The Big Bang Theory – A love story

 

 

 

My first foray into BBT seems so long ago now, my [then] boyfriend sat me down and said, “you have to watch this it’s so hilarious”, considering some of the utter crap he had exposed me too in the past I must admit I sat down with a fair amount of trepidation and a neutral smile plastered on my face.

So the show begins and two guys walk on, from the way they are dressed they are obviously supposed to be societies accepted view of ‘nerds’ and I think to myself ‘sigh another one of those nerd shows where it’s all about comicon’ and then they walk through a door into a medical facility, the receptionist requests they wait and goes back to her crossword at which point one of the ‘nerds’ looks over and gives her all the answers ‘I think I would hit someone if they did that to me’ and then…

Receptionist: Can I help you?

Leonard: Yes. Um, is this the High IQ sperm bank?

Receptionist: If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn’t be here.

Sheldon: I think this is the place.

Receptionist: Fill these out.

Leonard: Thank-you. We’ll be right back.

Receptionist: Oh, take your time. I’ll just finish my crossword puzzle. Oh wait.

Oops that was a giggle… the neutral smile turned into a real one. Then in the short conversation that followed they discussed the fact that to go through with donating sperm would be ‘genetic fraud’ as there was no guarantee the offspring would have a high IQ. Then the laughter really began, it wasn’t so much that the script itself was hilarious, it was that I have met people like this. In fact I remember going to a Christmas function for my Partners work (works in IT) and after the guys got off their faces (we girls were still sober because someone had to get them home safe) they started what they thought was a very serious and meaningful conversation about the evolution of the condom from history to present day, this included listing the animals parts they were made from and discussions as to how useful each was and a discussion on the manufacturing process of condoms both in ancient times and today (in case you’re wondering the popular consensus was that in the past people most likely manufactured their own rather than purchasing them at ‘Ye Olde Condom Kingdom’ and that in all likelihood they were reused until perforated).

After that first episode I became addicted, mostly because I found hilarity in the similarities between the characters and people I have actually met. I have met someone that has MANY of Sheldon’s quirks (AKA rampant undiagnosed/untreated OCD) this includes the crazy food and daily regime. For instance if they are at work they go to the toilet at the same times each day and use the second last toilet stall, if someone is in there and they can’t pee they become visibly distressed. One of the funniest times was when I went grocery shopping with them and something on their weekly list (seriously the same list every week) was not available. They refused to believe the store had completely run out and made the clerk check everywhere, when none were found they asked to speak to the manager and lodged a complaint that the stores ordering policy was floored. By this time I had already abandoned them for the coffee shop outside.

Then there was the time I went to see the new Conan movie with my [now] hubby and his mate, I’ll be honest I was mostly there to see Jason Momoa in a loin cloth. The lights go down, the popcorn crunches, the choc tops start melting and the movie begins… the first fight scene erupts in an amazing choreographed display of visual rippling muscle awesomeness and hubby’s friend exclaims, “I wonder what the stats are on a sword like that?!” queue me choking on my drink!

Raj can’t speak to women… I know a guy who magically develops a MASSIVE stuttering problem when confronted with women in person (he works in a call centre – he can deal with them over the phone).

Howard is a perve who lives with his Mum… this is so so common it’s not funny. Seriously have you never seen the movie failure to launch? If not don’t bother, Zooey Deschanel is the best thing about that whole movie, just google it and read the summary. Basically it’s all about 30+ year olds that refuse to fly the coop!

Sheldon is some kind of crazy mix of anthropomorphic robot, OCD nut, Einstein-like, celebrity stalker, arrogant nerd with border-line personality disorder who looks like an awkward serial killer when he smiles. I have never met a serial killer, but I certainly wouldn’t be surprised to see Jim Parsons with a cameo in an upcoming Criminal Minds episode – I’d believe that! The rest of these personality traits I have seen, just never in the same body. Perhaps he was constructed by aliens and put on Earth to drive everyone nuts! My favourite parts are when he has no clue of societal protocol or urban slang, “What exactly does that expression mean, ‘friends with benefits?’ Does he provide her with health insurance?” or “You bought me a present? Why would you do such a thing? I know you think you’re being generous, but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. You haven’t given me a gift, you’ve given me an obligation. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you’ve given me. Ah, it’s no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year. Oh, I brought this on myself by being such an endearing and important part of your life…”

Leonard seems to be the only truly straight man in the show as all other characters seem to display some level of pansexuality at one point or another. The few times you see him in a t-shirt you realise he is actually a built little unit, which is odd for your stereotypical ‘nerd’, but then I suppose when you look like the offspring of Brooke Shields and Eugene Levy you have to make something to even out the ‘brows! His interactions with Sheldon and Penny really make the show and he is a great catalyst for a lot of the humour in the show… of course it could just be that he is greatly expressive with the eyebrows and they work as a distraction. He is the non perverted version of Howard (with MUCH better dress sense – seriously Howard just because all the things you have on are green it doesn’t mean they should be worn together!) he really wants to have relationships and even gets into a few, but is just not very good at maintaining them, some element of insecurity and craziness always gets in the way… which pretty much relates to most failed relationships throughout the history of time.

Since this is now incredibly long (possibly my longest post ever) I feel it is time to bid you adieu. Whilst I am positive there are massive non-lovers of BBT out there and I appreciate your opinion, you will not change my love for the show. I think if you don’t know people like this the show can seem fake, but when you do know people like this it is just hilarious. I am currently searching for the original pilot as it was apparently extremely different and only 2 characters made it to the show we now know and love!

Here’s one of my favs from Penny the corn fed Mid West All American girl with a lotta spunk about her:

Penny: Give my friend his stuff back.
Tod: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Penny: Well then good news! Today’s the day a girl’s finally going to touch you in your little special place. *Kicks him in the groin*

Who of these characters weren't in the original line up?

Baby names

In the past friends have randomly hailed me a baby psychic due to my uncanny ability to guess when people close to me are pregnant before they have told anyone – and in a couple of cases before the person themselves knew. I also seem to have a pretty good hit rate on guessing the sex of the baby. I don’t know why… no I do not think I am psychic and no I will not be able to do it for you. It only works with people I am really close to, I just know! So weird, but anyway I digress…

Over the past year people have changed (or evolved) that opinion of me – they now think I am a stork or something. I think last year was just a huge baby year, but it seemed that a huge majority of the people I regularly spend time with fell pregnant. Out of 12 pregnancies only 1 was planned! And in 3 cases the fact they are pregnant is a miracle in itself, one has had 4 miscarriages – she is now 6 months pregnant, one has cystic fibrosis and was told she wouldn’t be able to have children – she is expecting a baby girl in a few months and the third my maid of honour who found out she was pregnant the morning of my wedding was told she would probably not be able to have children due to being very ill with Anorexia for years. She and her husband have now been married 5 years and they have never fallen pregnant. It does seem a little bit more than coincidence really, you might think 12 pregnancies out of all the friends and family I have might not be much… my hubby and I each had 4 attendants. 2 of his groomsmen’s wives popped not long before the wedding, one of my bridesmaids popped just 2 months before the wedding and another found out she was pregnant the day of the wedding (meanwhile if you count back – she got pregnant after my hens night haha). So half of our attendants had babies in the lead up to the wedding… my 2 brothers gf’s had babies and one is pregnant for the second time now too… crazy stuff.

So obviously I have been exposed to a lot of baby name talk… bit more than I can handle sometimes. My first nephew is named Hendrix (yes his father is a muso),

Hendrix

they are about to have another boy and want another music related name for him (well my brother does at least). So I tried to think of some not-to-freaky ones for them to consider… here’s what I came up with:

• “Lyric” is kinda cool.
• “Dorian” is a music node also known as Russian minor.
• “Reed” like for a sax is cute, but would probably spell it “Reid”.
• “Cash” like Johnny Cash – not the biggest fan of the name Cash though.
• “Travis” as in Barker.
• “Coda” could be another good one.
• “Harper” is Harp player.
• “Chord”.
• “Halen” like Van Halen

Most recent discussions have hailed “Zakk” as in Wylde as the most popular on their current list. I love them and all, but why complicate things by messing with a name like “Zack”? I could take ‘Zac’ or even ‘Zak’ but why is there an extra ‘k’?

Zakk Wylde

Some people are so cruel when they name their children, my Aunt’s partner for example is named Richard Edward Bloggs [surname changed for protection from embarrassment]. Therefore all his life he has been called, ‘Dick-Ed’, he is now 60… poor bloke… mean name award to his parents.

The worst I have EVER heard was from my friend at flight centre (she showed me proof so this is not a story) she had a lady come in to book a flight. Van asked for her name, the lady replied, “Ladasha”, Van questioned the spelling as she wrote, “so is that L-A-D-A…” the lady interrupted, “No, no, no La-Dash-A”. Van asked her to spell it for her, the lady replied, “L-A-DASH-A”, Van gave up and asked her to write her name down… her name was quite seriously and literally spelt “La-a”. Mean name award to her parents.

And don’t even get me started on the bloody celebrities naming their children, Apple, Astronaut, Blue, Sunday, what’s next? Banana?

Hi my name's Banana

I remember a friend telling me that her husband was rejected from filing their son’s birth papers, their name is Walker, they named their son Luke and the father decided to change the middle name to Skye between leaving his wife in the hospital and getting to Births, Deaths and Marriages. Apparently the lady looked at the sheet, looked at him and said, “your wife doesn’t know about this does she?” she shamed him into leaving! Good human award to her!!!

Rule of thumb people, if you would be embarrassed to have the name as an adult… don’t give to your children. Age old rule of think before you act!

Meditation – Librarian style

Greetings and a happy Friday to you all!

The weather has been a bit sad of late (yes I am talking about the weather, but I have an awesome point so read on)… the kind of weather where you want to curl up in a comfy chair with a blanky, a [insert hot beverage of choice] and a good book. These days I find myself so busy that I forget to take time for myself to reflect on what I am doing, over this summer break I had a goal… read the books I haven’t been able to read all last year because of Uni work etc. I started many books… didn’t get the opportunity to finish one of them. I started to notice that my usual laid back bubbly persona would sometimes hideaway and I would get snappy, I don’t believe it was from book withdrawal syndrome. I think it was subconscious jealousy at the people I saw that seemed to have time for things where as I always felt so rushed. Last year flew by like a whirlwind and it wasn’t until our trip to Vanuatu where we had banned any and all technology that I felt like I could just breathe and do whatever I wanted and take time to enjoy the moment… I never took my watch anywhere and no phones – we had no idea what the time was at any point and it was fabulous.

But we can’t have holidays all the time (unfortunately) so how do we capture a little bit of paradise in our everyday lives to reduce stress levels, stop our eyes going square and just to stop and reflect and be ourselves? Some don’t feel the need for this, for instance after 2 weeks of no technology my hubby was begging for internet connectivity. Younger generations would probably feel immediate stress at having to leave their mobile at home, where as I now find joy and feel a little naughty when I turn mine off for at least half a day every weekend.

When I used to work in Sydney city there was this little bookstore I used to go to, ‘Maddagen’, it was in the basement of a building and very raw and industrial looking. I used to get a hot chocolate and sit in this GORGEOUS old, kinda worn red leather armchair that would not have looked out of place beside a fire with a gentleman smoking a pipe in it pondering philosophical things. I would sit there and read a book and drink my hot chocolate and sometimes look out the window a bit above me, as we were in the basement you could pretty much just see shoes and ankles (you’d be surprised how many people don’t take the price stickers off the bottom of their shoes). I would go there at least once a week and it was blissful, in all that hustle and bustle of a crazy city I had this perfect little haven hidden away. Unfortunately it was a little too hidden and disappeared one day; I wish I had known because I would have made them an offer on that chair.

I never found a book store/cafe quite the same and even if one came close it seemed to not last long. With the expansion of places like Amazon and the popularity of new technologies such as; ebooks, ereaders, ipads, smartphones and ereader apps Ye Olde Book Shoppe just can’t keep up. Even the Woolworths of book shop chains Borders has gone under. So in the spirit of old book smell and tattered covers I thought I would share this awesome very short article (with lots of beautiful pictures) depicting the 20 most beautiful bookstores in the world (according to the author). My favourite comment on the article is, “20 reasons not to buy a kindle”.

http://flavorwire.com/254434/the-20-most-beautiful-bookstores-in-the-world?all=1

Christmas

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over…

I think it is important to review your successes at the end of the year. Whether they be big or small, reminding yourself of what you achieved during that year (even if you thought it was a bad one and are happy to see the backside of it), for me at least, makes the fact that it is the years end more meaningful.

So my year in review…

This year I managed to:

•  work full time,
• continue earning my Uni degree at night (with really good marks),
• arrange a wedding to my best friend in the world – light of my life – my Nubby (AKA New Hubby – yes he hates it hahaha),
• be blessed with my first nephew (and now godson) – beautiful Hendrix,
• had a beyond fabulous escape to Vanuatu,
• climbed and stood on the rim of an active Volcano,
• clambered up and all around the most breathtaking waterfall I could ever imagine,
• fed an 80 year old sea turtle,
• held baby turtles,
• paid off all the credit cards (much to the banks dismay – they keep contacting me offering me a larger limit – NO!!),
• went tandem aqua zorb balling,
• got a tan! (I have 2 colours, cracker-white & cherry-red, I have never ever gone brown, thank you Vanuatu!),
• lose 20 kilos,
• found out I will be blessed with a niece in early Feb courtesy of my younger brother & his partner and plus, also, my godson Hendrix will score a brother or sister in late June 2012,
• I continued to have an amazing best-friend-like relationship with my Mum,
• despite my new hubby’s younger brother’s best efforts to do anything and everything rudely, wrongly and disrespectfully while he invaded us for the majority of the year I did not commit any felonies!,
• I didn’t lose any friends and as far as I know I didn’t gain any enemies
  

  Me & Mum

Obviously there is more to my annual report, however the highlights are looking promising and I would have to say that what I have accomplished over the past year really does outweigh the stresses and craziness I sometimes felt! All in all I would have to declare 2011 a success and I believe I am ending the year with my stock up rather high and am therefore entering the New Year with renewed vigour and awesomeness

A Very Bridal Christmas

So we did it, I am a married woman… was it everything I expected… kinda more actually.

7am – I wake up to torrential rain… in fact it was the crescendo of the rain against the roof that woke me at such an ungodly hour on the day of my wedding when I should have been attempting a last minute “ditch the bags underneath the eyes” beauty sleep. In my sleep brain stupor I thought, oh god that can’t be rain, so I half-hopped – half-rolled, but mostly dragged myself out of the single bed in the guest bedroom of my parents house, opened the bedroom door and peeked out into the hallway to the front door the entire wall of which is mostly glass. A moment later the constant drum of rain on the roof was interrupted as I cursed like a truckie when I saw the crazed downpour that was occurring outside! The PG version ranted similar to the following, lousy no good lying weatherman… what does he know?! Should be clearing pfft! It’s heavier than it has been for the last week! It’s a freaking hurricane out there!!!

I then realised that I was not the first to rise and my father was already awake watching the the floodwaters rise (okay so I am being a little dramatic, but there are only so many ways to say it was pissing down before you actually say that!). Decided to forget about it and deal with it as it comes, it would all be okay as long as my Maid of Honour brought me the cappuccino she had promised and the other bridesmaid who was flying in from Cairns actually arrives here – Seriously there is too much abuse aimed at QANTAS to explain that story… long story short… she should have arrived at 10am on Friday, but QANTAS overbooked her flight by 30 people and then was extremely rude to her when she explained her urgent need to get to Sydney on the next flight, the staff member was stupid enough to admit that they had overbooked every flight out of Cairns by at least 20 people for the whole weekend and she probably wouldn’t get to Sydney until Monday. Ohhh Fuuuuu….. so I told her to go back and demand a manager and threaten to call every news crew in Cairns to get them there to see all the teary people that don’t make it on flights this weekend… She got a full refund of her tickets and free flights to and from Sydney! TA-DA that’s how you deal with QANTAS it turns out.

So Maid of Honour comes through with the coffee… Bridesmaid calls from the airport at 10am to ask where I am… ahhh I’m at home I told you we couldn’t pick you up today. Jump on the train it comes pretty much to the door, my Dad will come pick you up. Ok… 10 minutes later… the rain has flooded the train tunnels and the trains aren’t running… OH FUUUUUUUUU……. this is the address get in a cab!

So eventually I get all my bridesmaids in a row… yes believe it, but then one of them couldn’t get her dress done up all the way… hysterical laughter outside, kinda over the drama as none of it was created by me, but everyone expects me to fix it so get a drink and go for a walk outside… she got into it in the end… she has a 3 month old bub and she hadn’t fed her yet so she expressed milk and then magically fit into her dress. I don’t know why she then took the milk with her into the wedding car… because then we had to find somewhere to leave it before she could get out of the car. People seriously… common sense!!!!!

Meanwhile everyone is running around like chooks with their heads cut off trying to figure out why I am not stressed… they almost lost their minds when no one could get my 6month old nephew to sleep – he had been crying for almost an hour when I demanded my Dad hand him over (my bro and his partner had gone down the street to get her hair done) 10mins later he was out to it and I put him in his cot – stressed people does not a sleeping baby make!

My friend who did my hair and makeup turned up on time because she is amazing and did my hair and makeup beautifully! So well that my Mum then asked if she had time to do hers. Seriously she is so amazing – she has even done hair and makeup for music videos! I had organised for everyone to have lunch because I have been bridesmaid many times where there was plenty of alcohol and no food and therefore bridesmaids staggering down the aisle. Unfortunately, by the time my hair and makeup was done everyone had eaten everything and not thought to put food aside for me hahaha, so Dani (hair and makeup genius) and I gorged on Tim Tams and had a Tia Maria and Lemonade each instead… totally a decent pre-wedding feast

So we get there 10mins early to be told we might have to start late because 2 of the groomsmen stayed in the hotel room to help their wives get their babies ready – seriously?! The wives are incapable of handling a 6 month old?… okay then… – so I let them know if the boys are not here by 4pm I am walking down the aisle and they can feel bad about it because they were told to be there by 3.30pm! Cue one of the flower girls having a fit – and cue me not being surprised because I had predicted this… hence 2 flower girls. So only one flower girl walked down the aisle.

Meanwhile for an hour that morning the girls had practised walking to the music… slowly… steadily… I made them walk extra slow because I figured they would quicken up due to nerves. Not only did they quicken up they pretty much cantered down the aisle and didn’t wait for me to cue them to walk… ahh where did the girls go? Oh crap they are all down there already… oh well guess Dad and I will still chill out here and wait for the next chorus to come around… waiting… waiting… oh there it is okay Dad let’s go!

So out we walk… the sun is shining, the flower girl who has only just learnt my name (she’s 2.5yrs old give her a break) is screaming out, “Mummy look! Cat! Cat! Mummy pretty Cat!” and trying to run back down the aisle to me, my Mum is crying, other people are crying and trying to get my attention, the hella late groomsmen both showed, the groomsmen left on their sunnies… but I didn’t notice. Didn’t see any of it! All I saw was Trent waiting for me at the end of the aisle. Hard, practical, logical, organised Trent… grinning and brimming with tears at the sight of me… and all of a sudden I felt like a beautiful goddess.

I remember every part of the ceremony because we never took our eyes off each other, someone apologised to me later for arriving halfway through the ceremony… I couldn’t have told you they weren’t there… for that 30mins in time there were no other people, there was only me and him… and it was PERFECT!

 

No time for siesta!

I was reading a blog post this morning where someone described just having a sit down on their patio and being still, being in the moment, I suddenly realised that whilst reading this post I had been jiggling my leg and attempting to skim through the post. I froze trying to figure out what on earth was going on here, reading about someone being still and taking time to enjoy a moment of silence was making me feel restless… are you kidding?! Am I that far gone that even reading about relaxation makes me jittery now? Whoa! Not good!

My mind raced trying to ascertain the reason for this restlessness and the leg jiggling that had alerted me to it, why was I uncomfortable with someone I have never met living god knows where having a sit down on a Sunday afternoon? This makes no sense! Did I think they were lazy? No. Could it be jealousy? I don’t know, perhaps… hmm maybe.

green eyed monster

Jealousy?! Really?! Wow haven’t felt a real bout of that in what 10 years? Crazy! But then I thought she probably worked damn hard for that afternoon of sitting – the green beast replied, ‘any harder than you? Look at you!’. So I did, I took a good hard look at myself and realised that I am a bit of a mess, not on the outside because I am pretty good at maintaining facades it seems. On the outside I am the picture of organised, efficient, insightful, blah blah blah all those words. Inside the whole balance of mind, body and spirit… well right now I don’t think they have even met each other before… they are truly estranged!!! My life over the past 6 months has been crazy and I know I have abused every aspect of myself in attempt to soldier on and get everything done.

But, I am really starting to feel the effects of working full time, studying Uni at night, organising a wedding and being heavily involved with the pre-birth, birth and life of my baby sis’ surprise bub (first baby in the family since my brother 22yrs ago and she was misdiagnosed with digestive problems until 4 months before she was due).

The last week or so I have felt 75 or 80 rather than 21 (ok 28), everything is far more sluggish and my desperate need for sleep and rest screams at me from every pore. I am so grateful to pour myself into bed at the end of the day. I think the only thing keeping me going is healthy eating, coffee and a dream of the honeymoon just over the horizon.

I think my body is beginning to revolt against me the last two days I have had fevers and shocking headaches, which has forced me to spend more time at home, but still I did not rest as much as I should.

My mother finds this disgusting, but my time to myself where no one could get at me was going to the gym, I could turn on MY music and be totally alone in my little sphere for a while. When I was done I felt like I had done something good for my body, regained a little sanity and my thoughts were more in order and at the end I rewarded myself with a long shower (I never do this at home due to water and electricity costs). But with everything going on there hasn’t even been time for me to do this, last time I did a pilates class I almost fell asleep. I find solice in the fact that the major project I have been doing for work will be completed by the end of this week which should hopefully give me a little breathing space and less sleepless nights.

This is not enjoying life… this is spending my life working and my work to life balance is completely out of synch. I have managed to finish all my Uni assessments for the year ahead of time which is one less thing to worry about. This is really nice because now I am able to enjoy more of the wedding stuff rather than it feeling like a chore. And in 5 weeks time the wedding will be over and we will be on a tropical island with no mobile phones, laptops or internet and nothing to do but recreational activities… ohhh the joy!

Samhain

What is Halloween to you? Growing up in Australia, there was never much celebration of Halloween, it was widely thought of as an American holiday. As a kid I really didn’t care, I just loved the idea of dressing up and getting free candy and was not impressed that I couldn’t do so. However as I grew up a bit and discovered my love of the Celtic culture I discovered that there was a different side to Halloween, it is believed that it is linked (or that it developed from) the festival of Samhain or summer’s end.

Whilst Halloween is celebrated on one night Samhain was actually a harvest festival and celebrations sometimes went for days. There are many similarities posed to a festival of the dead and in some Gaelic folklore it is referred to as such. Whilst it was a harvest festival and celebrated summer’s end, it is also believed that the celebration held spiritual undertones where the long days were now passed and the long nights would begin, it was believed that the veil between the living world and the afterlife was thin. Families come together, build bonfires, feast, sing, dance and tell stories of loved ones who have passed, some still hold the custom today of setting a place for the deceased.

There is a lot more to this story I know, I have basically provided a brief summary of hundreds of years of tradition, but if I went into much detail I may offend or start a massive debate Which is not my aim.

Having Gaelic ancestors that I know very little of I am very interested in this culture, apart from the fact it is a harvest festival and time to take stock of supplies for the winter (apparently a lot of what is consumed during the feasts is perishables). I find the custom of celebrating the lives of one’s ancestors a rather beautiful tradition, having a celebration during which you tell stories of their lives in a way I believe really does bring part of them back because you are renewing your love for them and their memory in your heart and those of your family. In this day and age sometimes we forget to really spend time remembering and telling stories to our children of those who have come before us and I find that a little sad. My nephew (the first in my family) is now almost 4 months old and my grandfather and grandmother passed away almost 10 years ago now – way before everyone had webcams, YouTube and Smartphones etc. they were from the days where the phones were so big it took a whole day to dial a number. My family have started writing or typing up little titbits and stories about my grandparents before we forget them, in the effort to create a kind of ancestor folk lore pool of knowledge (ooh just made that up, but doesn’t it sound schnazzy!), we realised that we had forgotten so much about two people who were such a major part of our lives and that my nephew (Hendrix) would never know them if we didn’t tell him about them. So we hope to tell him stories about them so that he learns about where and who he came from. I might share some soon…

Hendrix

Meanwhile just as a side note… I still love dressing up in costume and partying on Halloween and am completely stoked that Australian’s are now very accepting about the holiday (20 years later). I am even having my hen’s party on Halloween weekend and we will be dressing as a bevy of Pirates! As a lover of Gilbert & Sullivan as a child and Johnny Depp as an adult there really was no better choice was there?! I finally get to be a Pirate Queen!!! What/who will you be on Halloween?

Grace O'Malley

I almost got expelled at the age of 6!

I almost got kicked out of a Catholic Primary School, not for fighting or swearing, but because they declared me to be a blasphemous child. I find this rather strange because I had no idea what that meant at the time as I was 6 years old an obviously a total angel!

How did I upset the forgiving Catholics so much? Well I was brought up to ask questions and to enjoy learning (yes yes my mother is a teacher), so I was looking forward to Primary School even though I chucked the required tanty on the first day when I was dropped off.

I digress, back to the story… one bright sunny morning our teacher began teaching us about dinosaurs and when they roamed the earth (I thought dinosaurs were the bomb) then after lunch we had bible study. Here is where I got confused… ‘if god created the earth in seven days then when were there dinosaurs? I thought you said they came before man’. Apparently you can’t question what is in the bible, I was given an answer I don’t remember possibly because it didn’t answer my question, because I didn’t get an answer I kept asking the question. Then I started being ignored, I don’t know who on earth taught teachers that ignoring children will make them go away – what morons they were. My response was to go and ask other teachers, when they couldn’t answer me I went to the boss, I took myself to the Principals office because she must know everything because she is a Nun and a Principal, she told me some garble about how perhaps when the bible says seven days it didn’t mean days, perhaps back then days could mean many years. Ahh ok so why didn’t they just write that it took many years to create the earth, that’s a lie, why did God lie to make himself sound good. THAT was when they called my parents! Apparently I was a horrid child who taught the other student bad behaviour and they believed I was a devil child who was turning children away from God and the church with my incessant questioning. I don’t think it helped that they sat me at a table in the Principal’s office with paper and crayons during this meeting and I promptly began drawing dinosaurs, thinking I was being nice I signed it and told her I had made her a present and gave her the drawing. Oops! But when you are a kid you get obsessed with these things until you get what you need and then you move on.

Teaching evolution and creationism in the same school just does not work (especially an extremely strict Catholic one)… it messes with kids heads! When I was 8 I one day asked the Priest why there were only altar-boys not altar-girls, he said that women shouldn’t touch things of God. I said that God was a meanie and should learn manners because we are supposed to share and why didn’t God’s Mummy teach him how to share? And maybe God needed a time out. THAT’s when my parents were called again. Luckily my mother is quite into equality and so she took on the Priest and the Headmistress and said how dare they cast God in such an unfavourable light for her child. Women and men should be held as equals by God blah blah blah, I think I then ruined her tirade by interrupting and saying I didn’t want to be Catholic anymore because their God was naughty and I wanted to find a God that would let me play with his stuff!

Not long after this I had my long hair all cut off because I spent a lot of time at the beach and HATED knots, until it grew out the Principal always made comments about me being a boy – man she hated me!!! My parents never believed me enough to go down to the school about it though.

You have to be careful what you teach children, because you honestly do confuse them. When the parents demanded the inclusion of sexual education (this was spurred by the fact that there had been a sexual predator in our area trying to get kids into his car – they wanted us to learn what no meant) they really shouldn’t have held that after bible study. Many of us kids went home and asked their parents why God didn’t really ask Mary’s permission and if Mary had said no. They changed the sex ed classes after that, they then consisted of the girls and boys being separated… the girls were shown what happens when you put a tampon into a water glass – I have no idea what the guys were shown.

Is there a point to this? Hmmm wait let me make one up… ok here it it…

1/ Don’t teach your kids to question and learn unless you mean it

2/ Don’t teach evolution and creationism in the same school

3/ Try not to confuse God figures (whichever you may embrace) in kids heads

4/ Kids do get bullied by teachers, if your kid says something like they hate their teacher, find out why! I know a lot of kids say it, but sometimes there is a good reason.

5/ Don’t punish children for being smart enough to see that what they are being told does not add up! It makes them want to stop learning because they feel punished for it.

Tree of Knowledge

My Favourite things

Okay I will admit it, I am a total and complete “lister” I like lists, I love reading posts created by other “listers” (yes it is a word, because I say so! If ‘bootylicious’ can be a word then ‘listers’ is a shoe-in!). I have decided to embrace my love of lists after my previous post and after trawling through the hilarious musings of Barb Best http://barbsblast.wordpress.com she’s awesome check her out!

Now, when I say, “my favourite things”, I don’t necessarily mean objects like chocolate (although that is definitely high on the list) as I feel this is a bit limited. Plus running of a list of objects I love kind of feels like when I ask my 2.5yo niece what she loves and I get back, “Mummy, Daddy, Horsie (plush toy), Indy (families dog, she can’t say dog though – if she sees a big dog it is called an “Indy”, if she sees a small dog it is called a “Shorty” which is her Nan’s dog’s name – SO cute!) & Chuggington! So I am not going to limit myself to objects, I am discovering that my posts are as much about what I want to say as what I want to share with others, so here are my self discovery musings for today.

These are not necessarily in order, well except for the first one.

1/ Family – there is nothing better than family time, ‘laxing out on a weekend for no reason with your siblings or your parents. My Mum is my best friend, I tell her everything, she is my Hero and the reason I wanted to become a Librarian.

2/ Going to sleep to the sound of rain pattering on my window – it’s just so relaxing, does it make me need to pee? Sometimes, which is frustrating, but generally this is only when I needed to in the first place.

3/ My fiancée – 4 years on and he can still make me laugh until I cry, a practical thinker and not overly romantic, but thoughtful and very loving and a hell of a lot of fun! Quite intelligent and definitely not a bore to talk to on any number of subjects. Has been frequently mistaken for Charlie Pickering, he actually autographed something one day because the person wouldn’t leave him alone, good thing they didn’t check the autograph though because he signed it as himself and once went clubbing decked out as Jack Sparrow, practiced for a week to get the walk and talk just right and as we were walking through the city was actually asked to come into clubs and was paid $50 by some dude on the street for being “f***ing awesome bro”. Light of my life, I look forward to many interesting years ahead of us and god help us if our children are as crazy as either of us!!!

4/ A massive belly laugh – is there anything better? Think about your last really fabulous chortle, cackle, guffaw (possibly accompanied by a pretty decent snort), how brilliant did you feel afterwards?! Laughter is definitely a perfect prescription for most any ailment. Almost as good as an orgasm, but not quite… and sometimes just as much clean up

5/ Chocolate!!!!! – NOM NOM NOM does this really need a reason? It just is and it is perfection! Someone should write a blog about it, I can see it now… “Travelling the world… one chocolate tasting at a time”. Chocolate used to be a form of currency, it is probably a good thing it isn’t anymore as I would be oh so poor, in fact lactose intolerant people would rule the world because everyone else would be eating their money!!!

6/ Music – Music is like the weather, no matter what it is it will have some affect on you, some will love it, some will hate it. Music is like modern day poetry and just like poetry some of it belongs on the wall of a public toilet and some belongs in the halls of fame! There is nothing better than driving along in your car and pumping some song that makes you so gleeful and singing at the top of your lungs (yeah that is probably me at those traffic lights). Nothing more special than singing to a crowd and seeing how you are effecting people (hopefully in a not wanting to stick fingers in their ears way).

raaga-raga.blogspot.com

7/ Friends – I have some friends that I consider my brothers and sisters, I truly embrace the ideal, “friends are the family you choose for yourself” – I have no idea who said this originally as I have seen it so many places. Recently saw it on a plaque in someone’s bathroom right next to, “if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie” not sure how they relate, maybe it’s just me.

8/ Work – I am one of the people lucky enough to love my job, I am in the exact organisation I have dreamed of working in and have the satisfaction of knowing that I got myself here through really hard work and a lot of crappy jobs that I took just to get me experience in the right stuff. Plus the access to books is awesome!!!

9/ The beach – I can be wound as tight as a boa constrictor on it’s prey, 5 minutes sitting in the sand listening to the waves and I am as relaxed as a new born with a full tummy. I don’t know what it is, but the beach just speaks to be on some base level, it balances me out somehow. No I am not a water sign, I am a creative, firey-ass Leo… it literally feels like being at the beach just moderates the flame for a while or brings down the internal temperature. I don’t understand it, I think something that feels that good (and is legal) doesn’t warrant an explanation.

I was planning to be really unique here and stop at 9 because most lists have this innate need to make an even number and 10 is a pretty clichéd number, but couldn’t leave out this last one…

10/ Animals – I adore animals, and I detest anyone that abuses animals! My fiancée and I have taken in 4 dogs, 3 cats, 3 birds and a pregnant guinea pig over the years, all of which were badly treated and we have found homes for more animals that we just couldn’t help. People say animals take more than they give and they are beneath us, I don’t think that is true. It’s not like I am asking for dogs to have the right to drive cars or vote or anything, but I don’t think they should be kicked around and treated like garbage and I know that the animals we have rehabilitated love us unconditionally. They don’t care if I haven’t done my hair or make up, or if I have blemishes or stink because I just got back from the gym, when’s the last time an animal called you fat? Much kinder than humans, although if you don’t have them de-sexed they do “spray” pretty much everything, marking it as their own, which is a ‘fowl’ experience! (Pun intended hehehe )

My pet peeves… there are a lot – consider yourself warned

SO… today is one of those days where things that usually only peeve you a little all happen at once and all of a sudden you can’t stand them and you can literally feel yourself filling with rage – seriously! I could actually feel it creeping up my neck! Panic set in because once it reaches your head you are full up and the excess has to go somewhere and you just know that one of two things are going to happen… you are going to scream bloody murder at someone or you are going to have that crazy ugly angry cry – if someone witnesses you doing the latter you have no respect points left whatsoever, you have been shamed and you need to move immediately. So I took a deep breath, thought about the fact that 2 months from today I will be flying to Vanuatu for a 2 week honeymoon (this is a HUGE deal as I am 28 and have not had a break from work for longer than 1 week since I was 18!!!), got a coffee (NO IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU MORE ON EDGE!!!!!) even hummed a couple of tunes of that hula song, but then realised that’s for Hawaii. Eventually I started to feel normal again and then as I sipped my coffee I started to ponder my pet peeves, do I really have that many? Hmm turns out I do, is it unusual to be annoyed by these things? Here are some of the things that peeve me… feel free to comment on or share yours – mainly because it will make me feel better for my psychotic episode this morning, but also because it will be fun!

Peeve list

• Women that wear tank tops showing off underarm hair you could braid if the need somehow possessed you.
• People who spit on the ground – seriously?! What is the need for that, life is not a game of football – keep it on the field.
• People who scream obscenities at their children – this is just wrong, it makes me both angry and sad. The child of someone I know started talking a couple of months back… mumma, dada, nanna, mopmop (can’t say pop pop) but she can say shit and fuck!!! What the hell! What a fabulous thing to teach your child, very colourful vocabulary there, good job at giving them the best start to life possible.
• People who abuse animals!!!!! There is no excuse! I have had many rescue dogs, cats, birds and guinea pigs in my life and someone treated each one of them badly. These people belong in jail!
• People who park in the middle of two car spots – I don’t get it… are you blind and can’t see the lines? Do you not know how to park? Or do you just perceive that you are so important that you deserve two spots? How does this happen?
• People that queue jump! Everyone else standing in line had to do their time waiting, so should you. You are not better than anyone else in this line!
• Racism! It’s just not cool! I don’t get it and I don’t want to! This seems to be another case of someone thinking they are above someone else. This is amusing to me because in fact if you are racist I perceive you as being below everyone else that isn’t as you obviously have not evolved enough as a human being to see the beauty of a multicultural world.
• People that cut in front of you in their cars so that your only choice is to hit them or slam on your brakes and hope you don’t hit them. It is your fault you are running late to whatever you’re on your way too, please don’t cause a fatality because of your mistake!
• People who take off their shoes in a public place and have foot odour so bad that you gag!
• People who hit parked cars and don’t leave a note!
• Halitosis!
• BO!
• Talking with your mouth full! Oh god please, please don’t!
• People that do not wear underwear, then wear attire that show this fact off – you are not a celebrity, no one is going to take a photo of it, please put it away!!!

Oh my god! I am stopping now, writing this list is just fuelling my rant! Must stop! Quick press publish!!!