Feeling a little blue

Unfortunately not the clearblue, which is the blue we all want to be feeling am I right? Well, except if it brings you a BFN.

I worked nightshift tonight and PJ Storytime was on a my Library. It was quite confronting to see so many toddlers running about the library. Don’t get me wrong, I love PJ Storytime… normally and it is always packed. But we are coming up to the end of the first cycle since my surgery and to be honest I am kinda packing it. Which is stupid really because the chances of me being pregnant are very slim, we didn’t fool around as much as we should have due to Hubby’s work being ridiculously busy and having him in overtime constantly.

So I keep telling myself these things, we didn’t have enough super mega fun happy time, we did do it around the right times, but not a lot so there is every chance that nothing happened. Aren’t I supposed to keep hope up though? I don’t know anymore. I guess I have been so full of hope for other cycles and the fallout has been terrible so I am not letting my hope get up this cycle. I still think the fallout will be bad though.

I think all of this is heightened tonight because I go and see the specialist tomorrow for the first time since surgery and I know he is going to ask about my weight (which had gone up a couple of kilos, but those are almost all off now) and because I haven’t lost his magical 10kgs number we won’t go forward with IVF yet. To be honest I am not too upset if we just try for a couple of cycles, maybe the clean out and flush and ovarian drilling he did will have some effect.

I feel like I am at a crossroads at the moment. I know what I need to do moving forward if I am honest, but man it is hard for me. I have been making small life changes with the aim of making them habits (which I have), but I feel like I am going to have to do something drastic diet wise for awhile to really get the kgs off, but then I know they will come back on again. Man this is hard.

IF sufferers unite :)

Book vs. Film: The Hobbit

the hobbit

# HUGE SPOILER WARNING!!! I will discuss much of the plot in both the book ‘The Hobbit’ and associated movies.

This is my 33rd book read for the year :) I need to be clear upfront that I loved the book and really liked the movies so don’t think that all the negatives I am about to throw at you mean I didn’t like the movies. If I hadn’t read the book I would have loved them, but there were some changes made (especially a big one towards the end) that really p’d me off :)

Here. We. Go.

Azog – You all remember Azog from the movies right, big white dude, missing part of his arm, very central to the entire plot of the movies? Well the thing is that apart from saying he died many years before (killed by Thorin), he wasn’t in the book. Whilst I agree that the constant threat of attack and pursuit from Azog did give a certain urgency to the plot it kind of stuck in my gullet a bit too because this role was really supposed to be for Bolg.

Galadriel – Gorgeously played by fellow Aussie Cate Blanchett, she was amazing and I love her in this role and I felt that this character was a good addition to the films, but she wasn’t in the books, at all. This is interesting when she was so integral to parts of the movie’s plot.
The character of Saruman was also not in the book, I didn’t really understand the point of him being in the movie apart from at one point being difficult and rude about Radagast and the next minute fighting like the dickens. I also was annoyed because I couldn’t figure out whether they were insinuating that he was already a bad guy when this took place… frustrating.
Legolas – Oh I feel bad even writing this part because who doesn’t love Legolas? He is a great character. He is also not in the book, at all. However if memory serves he is identified as the son of Thranduil in The Lord of the Rings so I suppose it is feasible that he was in Mirkwood, but there are whole extra side stories that are added here which were not in the book at all. They are nice and all and as I said before I enjoyed the films, but they are not true to the book.
Tauriel – This character does not exist in any Tolkien book I know of. I feel like this character was just added so there could be a love interest for Kili because apparently there has to be some kind of romance thing happening in all movies… sigh. Whilst the actress was good and the character was well written there was no need to add another character and it pissed me off because I felt that this character and the ensuing romance with Kili was the reason that they had to change the ending.
Another interesting change was how the group came to be captured by the elves in Mirkwood. In the book the group was drawn to the elves celebrations by laughter and music, in the movie the elves saved them from the spiders and then took them hostage. I guess doing it this way quickened things up, but considering they stretched the book out into three movies you wouldn’t really think there was a need for that. I also felt as though the elves in the films were portrayed very differently from in the book, whilst in the book they were warriors certainly they were also musical and the majority of interactions with them included them singing. This was never shown in the movie, not at Mirkwood or at Rivendell, their entrance to Rivendell was also very different from in the book. I do wonder why the writers wanted the elves to seem so serious, severe, unfriendly and apart from the rest of the world. Interesting.
What are ‘were-worms’? I honestly don’t remember Tolkien writing about them, they reminded me of the things from Dune. Am I wrong in not remembering these things from the books?
Fili and Kili, I felt like they were robbed of a warriors death and it pissed me off. Poor Fili is basically executed to hurt Thorin and Kili is only killed because he tried to stop Tauriel being killed. Grr. In the book these characters have a fine death, meeting their end protecting their king. I was really frustrated by this.
I thought Thorin’s death in the movie was crap too, at first I was yelling at him to just get off the ice and it would capsize then once he did that and Azog was ‘dead’ he slowly watched him float along under the ice… *GROAN* seriously?! What moron would do this. They always come back Peter Jackson, always! So then Thorin gets a crappy death because he didn’t stab twice. At least he gets to have the meaningful conversation with Bilbo and they renew their bromance :)
This is hard because like I said in the beginning I liked both the books and the movies, but there was things that the movie changed that as a lover of the book I was disappointed in some parts. I also wanted to see more of the Green Dragon, which I am pretty sure all fans want.

House update

We have progress! Progress you guys, PROGRESS! Can you believe it?!?!?!?! I almost can’t. In fact as soon as they rang us and said they had done something I said we had to go for a drive because I couldn’t believe it.

So the Friday before last we went to see our organised dirt…

Organised dirt woohoo!

Organised dirt woohoo!

Then the following Monday Hubby got the all clear from the specialist to ride his bike again and Tuesday morning promptly took off for a jaunt down to the lot and back and low and behold what did he find???



Slab party everyone… slab party hahaha.

Can’t believe we finally have movement on this :) I finally feel able to have some excitement about our soon to be new home! Our first real home together :)

Post surgery update

Hi everyone, sorry I didn’t put an update sooner. Surgery on the Saturday went really well and they were all lovely to me. I am pretty sure the anesthesiologist slipped me a pre shot without me even knowing about it because I was panicked (like I felt on the brink of a panic attack, but was trying to hide it), then I felt something cool in my arm and all of a sudden I couldn’t feel panic anymore. Everything was sweet. They took me into this big operating room and I thought the lights were huge and looked like flying saucers, this should have made me nervous, but didn’t. They asked me to get myself on the table and I did it, no sweat, no hesitation and that is the last thing I remember until I woke up in recovery… holy crap… I was roofied! :)

Everyone at the hospital was very lovely, it was probably the best first hospital experience one could have. I was REALLY in and out of it the first couple of days, I found it really hard to sleep in solid blocks and it was mostly and hour or two here then up for 2 hours then back to bed which was just completely frustrating. I couldn’t get comfortable at all. Drove hubby mental because he just wanted me to be resting. Everything seemed to be going well.

Come the Monday I wasn’t having any pain from the two wounds on the bottom of my stomache, but the one in my belly button was giving me grief. No matter what position I was in it hurt, it made me feel nauseated and just not great and I spent most of Monday in bed.

Come Tuesday I didn’t get out of bed until lunchtime, felt like crap and didn’t want to eat. I was back in bed by 2.30. Walked out to hubby just before 5 and said I feel really ill, he took one look at me (apparently I was a lovely shade of grey) and declared we were going to the doctors. My temperature was up to 37.6 which might not see that high for a normal person, but if you remember back to my temperature tracking my normal temp is in the low 36’s… I should also mention that I had taken panadeine forte just 1.5hours before which should have taken care of a temperature.

So it turned out that my belly button wound was infected… yay. As soon as they cleaned it out I felt a bit better (not as nauseated), it mean all of last week off work and some heavy meds, but I was feeling a lot better within 24 hours so that was good. I am back at work now and I am finding that I am super tired at night. Although today’s tiredness can be blamed on a reading hangover… damn book getting up to a really good part just as I was going to bed hahaha.

Anyways the diagnosis. I was really happy with my specialist a) he was super lovely when I saw him pre-operation b) he didn’t get to see me before I was discharged so I get a call at 7.30pm that night from him to talk to me about what they found, or more precisely what they didn’t find. There was no sign of any kind of endometriosis at all! I couldn’t believe it, going in both the doc and I were pretty sure they’d find some, but no, nothing. There were also no tube blockages, well he said it seemed like there was a slight one, but he didn’t think that was a true blockage. Honestly I will have to get more off him about that later… I was pretty drowsy at the time. They did the ovarian drilling and gave my womb a good clean out, but didn’t have to do anything else.

I was super excited about there being no endometriosis, it might sound awful to you guys, but I just felt like I had failed so many times at this making babies business over the past four years and I sort of felt like I had at least passed this test, but then I also feel a bit deflated because it means if the ovarian drilling doesn’t work then we are back to the drawing board.

Come on baby making :)

Surgery time

Disclaimer: there are over shares in the following

I know I haven’t been the most regular blogger of late. There has been a lot going on, Mr T has been in for two neck surgeries, we have had a lot on life wise and I have been preparing for the fact that I will be going in for laparoscopic surgery on the 12th of September.

Fast forward to now and I just got a call from the specialist… they want to do it this Saturday… eik! At first I went into what I like to call ‘deal with it’ mode; I spoke to my boss, we worked out the rosters and staff availability to make sure the swap was possible (especially because it also means that I will be off for 3 days next week). Luckily staff wise it turned out there are less people off next week than the one after. It also works out SO much better cycle wise, originally I was probably going to be going in for surgery whilst on my period and the doctor was like, ‘that’s fine, just wear a pad or something and I will remove it when I am ready for that area’ EWW!!! I think a lot of my anxiety was around that too, logically I know he is a doctor who has dealt with much icker stuff than that, but illogically it freaked me out a little hahaha.

So now that I have pretty much organised everything so it can be done this week I am sitting here going, “Shit! It is actually happening!” and am freaking out a bit. I have a fair amount of anxiety when it comes to hospitals and I have never been in for what I think of as proper surgery before… they removed my wisdom teeth, but that is very superficial surgery compared to what I will be having done this time.

What is he doing? Well I said to him if he was going in I wanted him to do everything he could at the one time because I didn’t want to deal with the anxiety and recovery time required from having to go under for another surgery. So we are doing four things this surgery:

  • Search for and clean out of any endometriosis
  • tubal flush (checking for any blockages)
  • ovarian drilling
  • and he’s going to karcher my womb … just kidding, but you get what I mean. I am referring to it as a ‘womb cleansing’

So hopefully all this will make a baby :)

Budgeting plans

money mattress

I have been thinking a lot lately about budgeting and living on less. We are by no means in struggle street at the moment, mostly because we are living rent free with my parents (don’t worry guys we totally contribute I swear. We go halvsies on everything else) so we are able to save really well because we are pretty good at that kind of thing. I have even been able to contribute an extra $600 a month towards the mortgage on the land which is nice because it means we are paying off more than interest :)

We are covering all of our bills and we have still been able to save, but this could change a lot once we go through all of the surgeries Mr T and I have coming up and then once we take possession of the house, not to mention Christmas in-between so I have been thinking about how to do more with less. I have also been thinking about plans for once we are in the house.

What am I hoping to achieve

I am hoping that in being able to get some additional savings each week now I will be able to:

  • Up my extra mortage payment each month from $600 to $1000
  • Save between 10% and 20% of my wage. I am hoping for 20%, but I might start off at 10% so it is less of a shock hahaha.

Changes I have already made

  • When Mr T and I decided we wanted to buy a house the first change I made was to dump barista made coffee. I worked out that my one bought coffee a day meant I was spending almost $30 a week on coffee! Holy crap that is a bunch. Don’t even get me started on how much Hubby was spending (it’s A LOT more than mine!). The amount we were both spending on coffee each month was rather obscene, if we both stopped immediately within 2 months we could have afforded to buy an expensive coffee machine for the workplace LOL. At the time I was even working at a Library that had coffee (instant) and tea facilities… they even provide milk and sugar! (This is the same Library I now have a full time job with). Stopping this immediately freed up $100 per week!
  • I used to love a good shop and buying new things. I was a big fan of STUFF, particularly handbags and things like that. That HAD to stop :) I am now a lot more controlled with my shopping, but I do let myself indulge in some retail therapy from time to time so I don’t feel like such a big hermit!

What I am going to do moving forward

  • Currently there is a lot of our “savings” sitting in our everyday account. I am moving that into our savings because we get higher interest on it. I can’t even believe I haven’t already done this. I am going to leave some of it out though because there might be gap payments for our surgeries and if we take out of the Savings account we lose the interest for that month :(
  • Because I have been dedicating myself to living a healthier lifestyle the only downside related to that is the cost of food. It costs a lot more to eat well (especially if you are trying to go organic). However some thing I have figured out is that cooking bigger meals is more cost effective and also means that I have two nights worth of dinner and perhaps even a lunch. Using leftovers can be a HUGE money saver. If you do not like eating the same thing two days in a row see if it is freezable. Most meals will freeze well and it means that you have a healthy homemade microwave dinner for some night you really need it :)
    Along the same idea as this I am going to try and be much more organised with food. I did a 5 day healthy eating challenge recently which was great and one of the things I found was that because all my food was already organised I didn’t have to spend brain time during the week thinking about food which was awesome! In planning my food it also means writing a grocery list and sticking to the list means no unnecessary spending :)
  • I am going to go through my belongings and have a good clean out. I am going to figure out any items I actually need to purchase for my closet (I doubt there will be any apart from a pair of black flats for work which might be pricey, but you should always buy proper shoes for your feet or they will cost you more in the long run – my current pair are literally starting to fall apart). The plan behind this is that by figuring out what I actually need I will shop less for random things I want. It will also cut down a bulk of my clothes which will mean I don’t have to pack and move them and deal with them again in the new house :)
  • Whilst cleaning out my belongings I am going to see if there are items I could get rid of by selling. One I can think of off the top of my head is a fish tank I haven’t used in years, it is biggish and is a waste of space for me. I don’t expect to make a bunch of money out of this, but if I sell five items for $10 each that is $50 which covers about half of our grocery budget for one week. It all adds up.


Mr T. is not going to like this – actually I think he will be okay with it. He doesn’t really spend much :)

Because we were quite poor when we first got together (in fact we started living together before we went on our first date because we were both without a roommate and couldn’t afford to live on our own) and we went on serious budget living. Honestly we were managing to buy groceries for $50 or less per week we had to be so strict, but being that way for over a year then and staying budget conscious but not as strict in the years following has meant that we can easily afford our awesome dream home. We have worked hard at Uni and jobs to get ourselves into a good position where we can live comfortably.

So why am I wanting to do this? Well my parents went guarantor for our house (apparently 2 professionals in permanent employment with steady work history, a reasonable deposit and enough money to cover it wasn’t enough), in order to release them (and their house) from guarantor status we have to pay off a certain amount. I want to get that done as soon as possible :)

Also paying off more now (while we can) gives us more leeway in the future if something drastic happens and we are short on a payment.

Everyday Heros: Thank you random wonderful woman

I was Team Leader for a desk shift the other day which means you are in charge of all the important decisions during that shift. A staff member came to me and asked if we could figure out a work around for this woman to use the computers and print without her card, normally this would cost money for a replacement card, but the staff member said she felt we should waive it and would explain later. I trusted her so we figured out a work around where the woman didn’t have to get a new card.

The woman had a kind face and I recognised her from other visits she had made to the Library, I had noticed that she always seemed to have a newborn with her. I asked the staff member about it and she said that the woman fostered newborns who are born addicted to drugs, she keeps them until they are clean and adjusted and ready to go onto a new foster parent. My heart about exploded for this amazing woman in this moment. I looked at my staff member with moist eyes (she is one of the very few who knows about our infertility journey), she squeezed my arm and asked if I needed a couple of minutes.

I said to her I was fine and that the patron was an amazing person to do this. I also said the little baby boy she had was gorgeous and as far as I was concerned she could print off adoption papers and I would sign and take him home this instant. I do know that is not how adoption works, but in all honesty I was deadly serious. When I got home I told Hubby and he said he would have been all in too.

I want to say thank you to this woman, any newborn presents a challenge to even the most experienced mother, but what you are doing is so much more. These poor babies who are born addicted to drugs through no fault of their own scream for hours and hours on end in pain, many find it hard to bond and many have difficulties even eating and drinking. To put your hand up to help these babies time after time is just beyond amazing. This woman is my new hero! I will remember her always and will always go beyond the extra mile to help her when I see her because she goes above and beyond every day.

Faith in humanity restored!


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 385 other followers