Day 6 – 1st cycle on Clomid

So I guess it is going well. I haven’t really had side effects thus far, well not really bad ones… okay, okay I cried in the middle of a restaurant.

Before you say anything it was not over spilled milk okay :)

They had the smooth grooves cable channel on at the restaurant we were in and this song came on I have always liked, but never seen the film clip too, it is called “Say Something” and is performed by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera. It is a hauntingly beautiful song which on its own is quite sad, but then it turns out that the film clip is even more heart wrenching.

So when you get to the old man with his wife on the bed… all of a sudden I had silent tears streaming down my cheeks. Hubby freaked out because I am not a crier and was all, “Oh my god, are you okay? What is wrong? Did you cut yourself?” and I am all, “It’s just so beautiful and sad”. T’s like, “umm okay, what can I do to help you? What do you want to do?” and I just asked him to hand me a napkin. He did and said, “how about we order you Brownie?” hahaha ahh he’s a lovely man. He is so done in if we end up with a girl :)

Other than that I have found myself really impatient with stupidity this week, but to be honest I think that is more a symptom of AF than the Clomid. I have had some discomfit in my pelvic region today which is weird, kinda crampy and all. Who knows what that is? Could be digestion for all I know hahaha.

Fingers crossed this works

darren chris


Mother’s Day Blues

Happy Mother’s Day to my awesome Mum.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mums out there.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the expecting Mums and
Happy Mother’s Day to all the hopeful Mums.

When you are trying for a baby and having issues in that area there is nothing more depressing than the arrival of the crimson tide each month… or so I thought. It turns out having the tide come in on Mother’s Day is even more depressing, but I adore my Mum so I kept my chin up and haven’t been outwardly sad yet :)

Then my Dad came home with beautiful purple flowering plant for my Mum and I was touched and wondered if I would ever get to experience that on Mother’s Day. This did make me sad and I thought I would sneak away to my room for a minute and have a little tear time then suck it up to come back out. As I was walking away my Dad came running after me and gave me a plant with pink flowers and wished me a happy Mother’s Day too. *queue ‘Awwwwwww’* It was completely lovely and kind of made me want to cry even more with the sweetness of his actions. How do you all handle Mother’s Day?

Mother’s Day is a wonderful thing, but after being wished “happy Mother’s Day” a few times this week at different stores I wonder if people really think before they speak. Every time someone said it to me I didn’t really know what to do with it, I was not about to tell them my sad tale and I didn’t want to tell them I wasn’t a mother and make them feel bad (although in hindsight either of these options were good choices because the person would have stopped saying it potentially protecting others like me), so I just took to saying, “you too”. Even to the guys. Which they probably found odd, but it’s no more odd to wish every female above child bearing age a ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ is it? To be fair I know I am over sensitive on Mother’s and Father’s day, it has been 3.5 years and it doesn’t really feel like we are closer to our bundle of joy.

The meditation I have been doing has been amazing for reducing stress. Seriously, you should check it out. It also gives me time each night to envision having a child, holding them, touching their chubby cheeks and tiny hands. I think this is a positive thing, well it has been for me because it has reduced my stress levels A LOT and renewed my hope – I have even been more productive at work and lost more weight after having plateaued for months… I have finally passed the 10kgs lost mark WOOHOO! – I probably should confess I am eating a Tim Tam while writing this, but it is Mother’s Day and I just got my period so I will have my Tim Tams and eat them too :)

I also have some news… pretty much the only silver lining to AF arriving today is that tomorrow I start my first round of Clomid. I have heard that many women have extreme emotional reactions to this drug, does anyone have some stories about their experiences or some advice to share with me?


52 Books in 52 Weeks – April – Volume 2

I did warn you there would be a volume 2 for April… didn’t you believe me? hahaha.

So where were we? 21? Okay, here we go…

22. Storm Siren: Book 1 Storm Siren trilogy – Mary Weber

Well this damn book was a dark horse. I picked this up because my trusty YA Librarian friend at work gave it a good star rating on Goodreads and she knows her stuff. So I figured it would be good.

This book is a bit of an enigma – I want to liken it to The Hunger Games. Why? Because from the main characters point of view it is absolutely a YA book, but the content and themes and some of the wrongness that occurs in this book feels decidedly adult. Kinda like how Hunger Games is a coming of age story, but with children being forced to murder each other for the sport of adults J I hope this makes sense.

In the beginning of the story the female protagonist is really very young emotionally, but in some ways she is completely adult because of the horrendous things that have happened in her life. She is a slave guys and she has had a seriously hard life. I did find the weirdness of the hot and cold love interest quite strange until the reason for that was made quite clear in the last third of the book.

The battle was pretty epic and the author was not afraid to kill off beloved characters. I was right there with this book until the freaking last few pages. I finished reading this book, put it down and went, “what the actual fuck?!” There is a HUGE twist in the last chapter you guys, it is a completely series altering twist! I don’t know where the author is going from here, but it is apparently part of a trilogy

23. Life in Outer Space – Melissa Keil

life in outer spaceI totally picked this book up for the cover art. I was really pleasantly surprised by this book, I really enjoyed it. I would describe this as a coming of age novel from a boys POV and I felt that the reactions he had in the story were really natural. I really liked the realism that came through and how raw his emotions were at times.

The only problem I had with the book was the adults to be honest. Basically the parents in this film are not great at being parents, they love their kids yes, but don’t seem to have any idea of how to relate to them or understand them and some times I am not even sure they have put in any effort too.

I also LOVED all of the little geeky references, because let’s face it, I am a bit of a nerd and it was awesome to read this book and totally understand pretty much everything they were on about. :) So good!

24. Geist: Volume 1: Book of the Order – Philippa Ballantine

geistYay for a New Zealand author, I do have a special place in my heart for Australian and New Zealand authors… well as long as they are good hahaha.

This book kind of snuck up on me, I started reading it and whilst I was certainly interested in the story I didn’t tear through it. I think that was more to do with the fact that I have read a LOT this month and my brain needed a break. After having a break I certainly did rip through it and I really enjoyed it! Apart from the fact I needed a break I think that I struggled with the first couple of chapters because the main character wasn’t really invested in what was going on in the world during that time and so I guess that was written well because it made me feel the same way. After that it was all hands on deck. I really liked that there was a lot of depth to both the main and peripheral characters, the female protagonist Sorcha is a really interesting character. She is all hard edges and barbs which (let’s be honest) is hard to relate too and the people that would relate to it probably aren’t reading books J and the thing is that it is not a façade. She is a hardened woman and the story takes us through how she became that way even as she is evolving. It is interesting to have a main character who is completely developed, she is still relatively young, but has been through so much in their life that IRL that is where her personality would be finished developing.

The world building in this book is really good, I found I was able to draw places in my mind as I was reading about them which is always cool. I was concerned at first that the idea of Abbots and Orders and Deacons was going to be really religious, but it totally wasn’t. The Order is more like a version of Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters than an actual abbey. Also… the cover art is freaking amazing!
I get that I have made parts of the book sound harsh here, I didn’t really mean to. Seriously the book was really good and I was impressed with a lot of it. The relationships are really complex and I can’t wait for the sequel.

25. Spectyr: Volume 2: Book of the Order – Philippa Ballantine

spectyrTold you I couldn’t wait for the sequel. In this sequel we really explore the strengths and limits of the bond and how it works. Whilst an Active and a Sensitive have a symbiotic relationship and otherwise are a perfect professional match – kind of like salt and pepper, they are also individuals and as individuals they are not helpless.

I liked the Rossin in the first book and I have to say that he is really developed in this second book and I love the ongoing struggle between he and Raed. I can’t wait to see where that relationship goes moving forward. You learnt SO much more about Merrick in this book, in fact I kind of felt like this was his book, his story which just goes to show that it is not Sorcha running the plots and that their partnership is truly equal. The world building was even better in this book and huge props to the cover artist because that is one awesome cover.

It does leave you with a bitch of a cliff hanger which really sucks because I don’t have access to the third book yet!

26. Immortally Embraced (Monster M*A*S*H #2) – Angie Fox 
immortally embracedI was kind of sceptical about this book to be honest. I mean look at that cover… what could the book possibly be about??? The quote on the front was “Sexy, sassy and sinfully funny” So I really was not expecting much.

It was okay, I mean I figured out a bit into it was it was actually book 2, I hate when that happens, but the story worked as a stand alone anyway because it spoke about the past a lot. The library has the earlier one so I am thinking about looking at it, but am not sure.

Everything felt okay with this film, there were some good relationships, I LOVED the Medusa storyline and character. For the most part I liked the God characters. The ending was weird for me, all the book they talked about fate and prophecies blah, blah, blah, but from what I could tell the ending would have occured whether or not the protagonist was trying to stop it. If she had not been in the story, the situation would have never occured in the first place, but she didn’t have a huge role to play after creating the situation. What? Hmm. 2 stars for some awesome side characters and a couple of HAWT sex scenes.


Sneaky Hobitses!!! They stoles it from me!!!

So, recently (meaning last Friday) IT did a “PC upgrade”. Now being that it was called a “PC upgrade” I honestly took the dictionary meaning of “upgrade,” which for Oxford is, “raise (something) to a higher standard, in particular improve (equipment or machinery) by adding or replacing components”… in short… better than what I had before, right?

Well, apparently the IT guys have a different definition because I now get random programs that are set to start when I turn on my computer that are completely useless to me and have nothing to do with my work and Internet Explorer… well the version I have now is 2 less that what I had on my old PC. I used to have IE11… back to 9 now. GRRR.

So this afternoon after having a very long day with a lot of annoying things happening that just kinda made me do this…

I truly to love my job, but these days happen to all of us :)

I truly do love my job, but these days happen to all of us :)

I kept getting this thing pop up (one of those auto start programs that I cannot uninstall because I do not have freaking admin access ARGH!) whilst I was trying to wrap up for the day… ended up being there til an hour after I was supposed to finish… like I said, one of those days. This thing shouldn’t really have annoyed me as much as it did, but hopefully they wll see the funny side of it as well as get that I am annoyed about it.

The email had the subject, “Sneaky Hobbitses” – yup, seriously. Then it went like this…

~

IT…

What is this thing that always comes up on my computer now?

Capture

 

 

 

 

 

Is the whole point of this thing to tell me that I have spent $18 on printing since the inception of my account? Is that the whole function of this annoying ass program?

If so, how do I get it off? What a waste of time and space when there is no reason for me to know this information. Ain’t nobody got time for this :)

Here I was thinking I was getting an upgraded computer… sneaky Hobbitses, my nice computer with IE11 and no annoying random programs… they stoles it from me and replaced it with something… less. Upgrade… pfft… I call shenanigans!!!

Kind regards,

DTB

~

Hmm… yeah. Reading that over now, I am thinking I really shouldn’t have pressed send. But come on, at least I didn’t send them pictures or something too, I could have made it a lot worse by adding the following:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or this one… I like this one…

This works too…

So you see, it could have been worse.

Have you ever sent an email and wondered if maybe you should have saved the draft and re-read it tomorrow?

 


52 Books in 52 Weeks – April

I’m still going along at a very decent pace :) I actually read a LOT this month! There are some spoilers here I have to be honest with you, but I have tried to minimise it as much as possible.

15. Pushing the Limits – Katie McGarry

pushing the limitsI really liked this book, it was a nice break from the crazy weirdness that I have been accidently subjecting myself to lately (see last months post for details). Granted there was some supposed crazy going on there and both main characters come from seriously damaged backgrounds, but I liked that their connection stemmed from a sense of feeling that they were kindred spirits and both felt a little battered and bruised and that none of the jock or pop princesses would or could understand why what they went through changed who they were. Slight spoilers: I think my favourite part about the book was that though both characters knew they did not fit in and were in some cases ostracised by their peers they ultimately decided not to try and change who they were to fit in to what other people (even her family) wanted them to be. In surrendering and choosing to feel the pain and working through that and being themselves and accepting that, they came a lot further mentally than they would have had they continued, “faking it”.

A quote I loved from the book, “Luke used to give me butterflies. Noah spawned mutant pterodactyls.”

16. Teardrop – Lauren Kate

Teardrop (Teardrop, #1)This was okay, honestly I LOVED the idea behind it. Not enough people write about Atlantis so that aspect of it was a refreshing change. The female protagonist was not bad, I had a hard time understanding her, whilst grief is a very powerful thing her reactions to some situations just didn’t ring true to me. There is also a lot of negativity towards female characters in this book, Eureka’s hate on Maya Cayce, a bunch of people’s hate on Eureka (that name!), Eureka’s hate on Rhoda – ladies, ladies… what is with all the hating? Then we turn around and almost all the guys in the book… all glowing reviews, even when she is angry with them, even when they are the enemy, sigh. The cover of this book is in a word… gorgeous! To be honest at first glance I figured I was dealing with water nymphs or mermaids or something. My secret fantasy about Atlantis has always been that the people survived by evolving into mermaids… is this just me? Does anyone else want to read a book like that? Also I am pretty sure that as a young girl if I was crying and someone smacked my face and told me to stop I would probably wail louder. My favourite character in this book was Brooks, I really liked his character, he had depth and seemed well thought out. Finding out his deal is likely the sole reason I will continue with this series.

17. Waterfall – Lauren Kate

HEAPS OF SPOILERS GUYS!!!

Wow, this lady knows how to have a GORGEOUS cover. Even her Fallen series covers I liked. Seriously nice job on the cover. I am really kind of confused post reading this book. Who died? Did they all die? What was that? Why were a whole bunch of people fighting in a brain at one time, it was supposed to be suspenseful I am sure, but I was actually laughing out loud at the absurdity of it all.

I’ll say it… Eureka is a selfish kid. She truly is. She is told not to do certain things and it is explained to her what the risks are if she does do them… so the stupid tart does them anyway which pretty much indirectly leads to horrible things happening to her family and friends. Yet they keep treating her like she is precious and sensible, LOCK. HER. UP.

Then she is with Ander and she loves him so, so much you guys. Until there is another and then basically without even discussing it with him she basically abandons Ander even after promising she wouldn’t and abandons the plan because the hot evil guy dressed in a Brooks suit asks her to get on a flying horse. My fave characters in this book were Cat who has great spunk and the twins. I have never been so disappointed in a sequel. It was total limbo basically the entire book, seriously, okay, have you seen the second last Harry Potter movie where they spend the majority of their time transporting around sitting in the tent listening to the radio? It was like that, but you read it!!!

18. Cinder – Marissa Meyer 

I kind of put this book off for some time. Then I caved as more and more people told me to give it a go citing that I would love its quirky take on an old tale and damn them if they weren’t right. The basis of this story is based on Cinderella as you can probably guess from the uber hot pumps on the cover. I have one phrase for you to sum up the mad awesomeness of this book, ‘Cyborg Cinderella in New Beijing, China’, how cool is that? Yay for a fresh take on a classic. The bones are there, you know, nasty ass stepmom, one biyatch of a step sister (the other is a doll), huge hunk of a prince :) But pretty much everything else is new, dealing with plague and antidotes and avoiding World War V are elements that appear in the tale. I have to say also that there were a couple of plot twists that I didn’t see coming and damn if this author didn’t George R. R. Martin us… no one is safe :)

This is a seriously inventive YA novel, colour me impressed :)

The book did leave you with a big reveal and a HUGE cliff hanger!!

19. Scarlet – Marissa Meyer 
ScarletYup, I went back for seconds :) And I was not disappointed.

This installment was based on Red Riding Hood. The thing I like about these books is that I want to say they are loosely based on the original fairytales because while the basis is in the original tale there are is so much more to the plot that I often did not even think about the fairytale as I was reading it. It was hard to put down, I was really interested to see how the stories of Scarlet and Cinder developed separately and to see how they were connected.

If the ages of the main characters was changed and therefore the language and reactions more mature this series could easily have been successful for an adult audience rather than a YA one. In fact I think it is successful for adults because technically I am one LOL. The important thing to remember reading this series is that they are teenagers, therefore they have hormones pumping all through them and their initial reactions are going to be emotionally based until they mature (hopefully really quickly). A couple of times I got a bit judgy with Cinder in both books with her mentioning all the time that she cannot cry, but then I realised that teenage girls are really emotional, they cry a lot, it is their way of releasing all those pent up emotions so once I thought about that it all made sense.

I liked the character of Wolf, he was intense and read as much older than he is supposed to be and I really loved the cocky Captain/Cadet Thorne – we needed some of that smart ass nature injected into the character mix.

20. Cress– Marissa Meyer 

Cress-final-e1378337072559Yup, I went back for thirds hahaha. In all seriousness you guys I read these books in 4 days. I was that into them!

Loosely based on Rapunzel this third instalment has so much happen in it, it is very fast paced and there are a lot of reveals. Many I had outright guessed or heavily suspected, but some were a surprise. In saying that there were parts where I felt we were waiting and in a bit of a stalemate, but there was reason behind it. I mean seriously Rome wasn’t built in a day and it certainly wasn’t built by a bunch of teenage misfits hahaha.

Cress as a character I enjoyed, this damsel had no time to be a princess and had a serious beating from the School of Hard Knocks, but she rose to the task each time. I am hoping she loses some of her meekness – lets be fair she is a very young girl who is brilliant, but I still want more out of her. In saying that she does become an integral part of the team and I LOVED the Rapunzel tie in, that was really well done. I was wondering how they were possibly going to do that and not have me groan.

I really want to get started on ‘Winter’ the next instalment which I assume is based on Snow White? In fact I messaged our YA Librarian on Goodreads and told her she needed to order it ASAP hahaha. Unfortunately it doesn’t come out until November NOOOOO.

20. The Rosie Effect – Graeme Simsion

the rosie effectYay, I got it! I got it! Seriously the first book needs to be made into a movie… I see Hugh Jackman in the main role… who would you cast?

I loved this book as much as the first one. There were some great new challenges in Don and Rosie’s life. Again I truly admired the way Don’s brain works, even if at times I was shaking my head hahaha. I do have to pick on something with this book that is Rosie, at times I truly didn’t understand her behaviour towards Don, technically she did the wrong thing to begin with (a serious no, no for any girl to pull) so I wonder if her behaviour partly stems from guilt at times. I get that Don’s “eccentricities” would be frustrating at times (and to be honest, sometimes his problem solving is hilarious, but leaves much to be desired hahaha), but she does not help matters at all. From what I remember she does not even really try to approach things in a manner that would be considerate to his personality and the way his brain works which causes him much stress.

Sorry, I shouldn’t be writing so many negative things. Let me say again that I loved this second book. If I write too much about the second book you will end up with spoilers for both the first and second books and I know some of you were intending to read the first book so I don’t want to ruin it for you :) Suffice to say I absolutely recommend this book :)

I actually read more books than this, but was unable to get all the reviews done so I might have to do an April volume 2 in a few days :)


Shepherd’s Pie amazingness!

Yes the title totally sounds like a year 6 project, but I don’t care because I am super proud of the tasty, tasty meal I made the other night!!!

Shepherd's Pie

I started out wanting to make a healthy Shepherd’s Pie for my family, originally the plan was to make cauliflower mash for the top, but Dad kind of 86’d that idea in a heartbeat. So on the way home I went to the fruit and produce market and bought a bunch of ingredients setting myself to make an amazing hot dinner to combat the cold nights we have been having.

Ingredients Shepherd’s pie:

  • 1 kilo lean beef mince
  • 1 jar of tomato based pasta sauce (I got a chunky one for extra veg)
  • 1 red capsicum
  • 1 brown onion
  • 1 large carrot
  • 2 cloves garlic
  • TBSN mixed herbs
  • 2 medium sized tomatoes
  • TBSN BBQ Sauce
  • TBSN Tomato Sauce
  • Charisma Potatoes – these are low GI potatoes
  • butter and milk for mash

Ingredients bread:

  • sliced loaf of Pane di casa bread
  • margarine or butter
  • mixed herbs
  • 2 cloves garlic
  • grated parmesan cheese

What I did:

  • Preheat oven to 180 degrees Celsius.
  • Peel potatoes, place in a saucepan, add water until just over the potatoes then place on heat to begin boiling. Once the water is boiling turn down to half heat.
  • Dice the capsicum, onion and carrot and place in a hot pan with the lean beef mince, dice/break up the mince as it is cooking. Continue until meat is cooked.
  • Add pasta sauce, tomatoes, BBQ sauce, Tomato sauce and mixed herbs. Mince the garlic and add this to the mix too. Allow the mixture to simmer on a low heat.
  • Check potatoes, when they are done drain the water. Add about 2 teaspoons of butter and a dash of milk and start mashing. Add more milk as required to get a creamy consistency, try not to make it runny. I use New Milk which is lighter, but still creamy.
  • Grab a baking dish (it will need to be a biggish one) spoon your entire meat mixture into it and pat it down a bit so the surface is even.
  • Grab your mash and a spoon and spoon the mash on top of the meat mixture. Use the back of the spoon to smooth it to ensure distribution is even across the pie. I then like to texture the top with a fork and sprinkle some low fat grated tasty cheese on top.
  • Place in the oven for approximately 10 minutes (or until top is golden brown and cheese melted – do NOT burn the cheese :) )
  • Grab a small bowl and mix up approx 2 TBSN margarine with 1 TBSN herbs and 2 cloves of minced garlic. To be honest I did not measure these amounts I just kind of felt it out and added what I felt it needed from the look of it. (Sorry – it’s how my Nan and Aunt cook and I kind of adopted the idea).
  • Spread the mixture on one side of the pane di casa bread and place under the grill on medium heat. Keep a close eye on this as different grills cook at different speeds and everyone has a different idea of “perfectly” toasted :) So… toast it until you are happy then remove from the grill and place on a plate lined with all foil, sprinkle a small amount of grated parmesan over the top the wrap the foil over the top of the bread to keep the heat and moisture in as well as melt the cheese.
  • When you pie is cooked serve immediately with the bread.

Fertility Meditation

When I was in High School studying for my Higher School Certificate I was stressed and distracted because whilst I was studying my Nan was also suffering from bowel and liver cancer and we had been told she would not come through it. Suffice to say it was a horrible time in my life. I found a lot of balance and perspective through meditation, it helped centre me and make me focussed whilst allowing me to emotionally deal as well. I get that it doesn’t work for everyone, but it absolutely worked for me.

Recently with the new job, attempted house building and fertility issues I am oh so stressed, which is horrible because though I don’t mean to, I know it affects those around me. I find it easy to focus and do my job at work, but at home etc. I am kind of scattered. I also have had problems sleeping, I started listening to sleep enhancing meditation music and have found that concentrating on the music makes it much easier to shut my brain up and get to sleep.

So I started wondering whether the positive outcomes I got from meditation in my HSC and shutting up my brain at night could also help with day to day stress of my current life and maybe even help with my waning positivity in regards to fertility.

When I first started looking I was trying to combine one that I could listen to as I was sleeping that would also help me with fertility. I found one, but a lot of it was tones and a sound like leaky taps that just made me need to pee… not exactly the result I was looking for hahaha.

So I began looking around this morning and found some that sounded interesting. There was one that only went for like 5 minutes and it was a guided meditation. I was dubious, but decided I certainly could spend 5 minutes on trying to reduce my stress levels :)

I am writing this post just after having finished this meditation and I feel pretty damn good, kinda weird and floaty, but relaxed and not at all anxious which is great. I think part of me having such a good result was that I figured if I was going to do this I had to have a completely open mind about it and I did. I did everything the woman said. I think being able to find my centre and get in the zone was easier for me having done pilates before, but even so I think anyone could do this.

A lot of the ladies that are in our little online infertility circle here I imagine often feel as stressed out as I do so I wanted to put it on here and suggest that you guys take just 5 minutes and really give this a go. I hope it makes you feel as relaxed as I do because seriously right now I feel like I could languish in a bubble bath with a book until the water went cold… this is not something I have done in years!

Here’s the video:


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