Warning: Some people might find this post uncomfortable to read because it is about lady parts 🙂
The other day I reached a new level of love and appreciation for my Husby, during the day I had a very slight itch in my nether regions, but it died off and so I never thought about stopping on the way home to consult a Pharmacist.
It’s very cold here at the moment and due to the fact it was a chilly 2 degrees outside I put the electric blanket on 30 minutes before we went to bed so it would be toasty warm for us. Now I am not sure why the delicious warms aggravated the situation [and I don’t care why it happened as long as it never happens again], but for some reason it did and all of a sudden I was in significant pain and itching like crazy. I have had thrush before, but this was like the Hulk version – seriously, bad (but not green, I must emphasise that NOTHING was green!
I tried to manage it on my own with some Googling (yes the web doctor thinks I have cancer) and an ice pack – yes an ice pack… in 2 degree weather. What was I thinking? I’ll tell you what I was thinking, I was hoping with all my being that my twinkle cave would get frostbite and fall off. The ice calmed the itching slightly, but the pain was still horrible.
Queue my superhero checking out my lady flower to give his expert opinion of “I think it looks normal”, my response of, “trust me this is not normal, it has to be Hulk thrush or something”. He asked if I had a cream or medication for it, I replied sarcastically that of course I kept a stash of beaver cream for exactly this situation (I feel quite bad about this now, but at the time I had little patience). He calmly started Googling, I tried telling him I had already done that and tried everything, he ignored me which just added to my muffin pain fuelled rage, “What are you doing? Please tell me you are not playing a fucking game right now!” he shook his head no. So I ignored him for a bit and just lay there clutching an ice pack to my crotch feeling ridiculous, in pain, exposed (well obviously) and vulnerable.
Then I realised Husby was getting dressed, “what are you doing?? Where are you going?”
“I found a 24 hour chemist” he replied (at this point it was 12.30am), “I am going to go get some stuff to help”
“Wha…what?” I stuttered, “Where is it?”
“It’s about a 35 minute drive, I’ll be as quick as I can” he went to walk out of the room.
“Wait” I said, “Really? Are you seriously going to go to a pharmacy 30 minutes away at 1am and buy me vagina medicine?” he shrugged and replied,
“Sure, why not? That’s how I roll” he laughed and walked out the door.
I was left mystified as I realised I had the best Husby ever created, many of my girlfriends Husbands won’t even buy tampons at the supermarket and here is my curly haired Adonis off into the dark of night seeking a cure for my punaani’s ills. He came back an hour later triumphantly clutching antihistamines and thrush cream, I am not sure what the antihistamines were for, but they knocked me out for a couple of hours which was nice and the cream felt like when you put aloe vera onto sun burn…. I could almost hear the sizzle as my map of Tasmania cooled.
Best. Husband. Ever.
July 16th, 2014 at 2:03 pm
As soon as I read that some people may feel uncomfortable reading this I was straight on it!! Twinkle cave and beaver cream had me LOL’ing like a mofo!! It feels wrong to say “I hope your lady parts are okay now”, considering we’ve just met in cyber space and everything…
July 16th, 2014 at 2:13 pm
Hahaha I’m very glad you enjoyed it, considering the object of my post I decided to use as many synonyms as I could think of – twinkle cave was one of my favourites 🙂
Haha thanks, the lady is on on the mend quite nicely 🙂
July 16th, 2014 at 2:29 pm
I feel awful for saying this but that had me totally laughing. The way you wrote about this experience was hilarious. You really made light of a seriously awful situation!!! I am so glad your hubby was able to find some medicine and that it helped. 🙂
July 16th, 2014 at 3:19 pm
Hahaha it was all quite amusing to me later on, one of the ways I tried to distract myself from the pain was thinking up synonyms for ones pink bits (I don’t know why, it just came to me) so I decided to use a bunch of them in this post 🙂 I am glad it brought you giggly glee.
He’s most definitely a keeper and was so proud of his triumph.
July 17th, 2014 at 12:04 am
Like the comment above said, when i read the warning, I was like Yaaay, accepted 😀
Yeah, he is truly a Superhero 🙂
July 17th, 2014 at 9:28 am
Hahaha I like how the warning made people go “Hells yeah I’m reading this” 🙂
I am a very lucky girl.
July 17th, 2014 at 10:31 am
July 17th, 2014 at 4:15 am
This made me laugh. I’m glad to hear your nether regions are doing better. All thanks to your husband. He sounds awesome!
July 17th, 2014 at 9:30 am
I’m glad it gave you a giggle. He is a pretty special guy and I am a very lucky girl, not likely I’ll be taking him for-granted any time soon 🙂
February 3rd, 2015 at 3:38 am
Absolutely hilarious. And yes, your husband is a keeper! I love your sass and how you managed both tenderness and brashness here. Looking forward to reading more of your work! Cheers, Stacy
February 3rd, 2015 at 10:48 am
Thanks so much for visiting! The situation was hilarious afterwards, but at the time I was obviously not amused.
I think we are both lucky with our Husbands, you get free enemas and I get thrush cream hahaha. It’s the things like this that equal “true love”, who needs a glass slipper? I’d probably just break it and cut my feet up anyway haha.