Warning: this will be a bit of a vent session. This is your last chance to click away 🙂
Back in my post “Is it okay to eat the world?” you might remember me talking about the fact that my brother’s GF is now unexpectedly pregnant with their third child. As I mentioned in that post, neither of them have themselves together despite the fact my brother turns 30 in a couple of months and she is 26. Both are well aware that we are struggling with fertility and desperately want children and yet neither of them actually told us they were pregnant, they left it to my parents to tell us. My Dad told me the day they found out and the next day she came over and immediately (as if we had already been mid conversation) says, “Yeah, so M totally thinks the baby will be a girl” Umm… ‘scuse me? As far as you know I am not even aware you’re knocked up… what the hell girl? A little bit of sensitivity and thought that it might be hard for us would have been appreciated.
She went on about this crap for awhile and I nodded and messed around on FB trying to mostly ignore her. She went on about names for awhile and in the end I interrupted her (I know it’s rude and I wouldn’t normally, but I was totally over it you guys!) and said, “Honestly T, there is so much you need to think about before you even consider names. For starters, will 3 baby seats fit in the back of your car? If not you will need to sell your car and get one that will. Have you thought about the fact that you thought you were done with babies and so got rid of all the boys baby stuff including your maternity clothes and you don’t have any extra money? How are you going to pay for 3 children when you can’t even keep up with two? You need to stop J being such a clingy child, if you don’t do this before the baby comes he could hold it against the baby and hurt it by accident.” I listed a bunch of other things she needed to do before the baby arrives and then said, “ALL of that is so much more important than what you are going to call them. You need to start with a complete cleanout of your stuff and clean your house”. She looked at me like most of it had gone over her head then said, “Yeah I know, I just wish your brother would help out more. Did you know that I will get X amount of money per week from the government now we have three kids?” I just looked at her aghast. She had only found out she was pregnant the day before and she was already looking up what kind of benefits she could get out of it?!!!!!!!!! What. The. Hell!!!
I said something to the effect of “that is really not the kind of thing you should be relying on” and something about, “you might not be able to get all of that” to which she started spouting off about what she was ENTITLED to and made a joke she thought was SO funny along the lines of, ‘at least you know where your taxes are going’. I looked at her with what I thought was a withering stare and said, “Yes, I am SO glad that my hard earned tax dollars go towards paying my nieces and nephews mothers to stay home and not work. It’s almost like I am paying for the lives of my brothers and their children even though I have none of my own”. She didn’t get it. She didn’t get I was mad at her. She said (to be fair she said it quite genuinely), “I know, that totally sucks. I really want you to be able to have children soon”.
I spoke to my brother a bit later about this happening and he said he was deeply concerned because she had said the same thing to him about the money. He said he had tried to tell her that whilst the money would help that it wouldn’t cover all their needs and that she needed to not be so centered on it, but he couldn’t get through to her.
AND THEN… THE SAGA CONTINUES…
She came over yesterday talking about the baby shower (She had done this before and I tried to tell her that traditionally you really only had a baby shower for your first child and reminded her that she didn’t have one for her second. She ignored this obviously.) and apparently she asked my parents if she could have the baby shower at their house (remember it was only yesterday during her visit that she asked), my Dad said he was okay with it, but my Mum would have the final say. My Mum asked why they couldn’t have it at their place and she said it wouldn’t be big enough (umm what?), apparently Mum asked a bunch of other questions, but never actually said yes. Half an hour after this conversation she hands me an invite with Mum and Dad’s address as the location and Mum and Dad as one of the people you can RSVP too. WTF you guys?! WTF???!!!
Also it is halfway through September, she’ll be barely halfway through her pregnancy by that stage, she isn’t even 12 weeks yet, how stupid can she be sending this crap out? Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. It is also really hurtful and is pisses me off because even though she told my Mum she would come over the week before to clean Mum’s place and would do all the catering I know for SURE that come the day nothing will be prepared and it will be left up to me and Mum to do it. They are doing this party in the place where I live… there is nowhere for me to escape or hide from it when I become overwhelmed. I may be overreacting, but I find it terribly rude! I honestly feel like telling Hubby we need to go away that weekend except I don’t feel right leaving my Mum with all that crap.
Oh and then I realised that the invite was for both me and Hubby and was from my brother and his GF… uhh okay? What? It turns out that they are inviting over 50 FREAKING PEOPLE! That is HUGE! That is not a baby shower, that is a freaking rager! Personally I think they want an excuse for a party to take their mind off their issues and they don’t want to have it at theirs because they would be forced to clean their house!
Am I being unreasonable? Is it wrong for me to be mad about this being thrown on not just us, but my parents too?
August 3rd, 2015 at 3:47 am
No, I would be irked and I am past the time where I would be family planning. My former coworker, when pregnant with her planned second child would get into fights with the father on the phone about how his family hadn’t scheduled their shower for her yet. This was on top of the ones she had already gottten from her family and the one she hosted herself.
August 3rd, 2015 at 12:28 pm
Oh my gosh! Who needs that many baby showers? That is just greedy!
My Mum actually ended up calling her and saying, “umm, you realise I never actually agreed that you could have the party here”, Mum actually asked her to find another location and as soon as she told me it was like a weight had been lifted. I hadn’t realised how much I was completely not looking forward to it, but now she is doing it herself at her own place I am so much more fine with it. Asked my parents the other night if they wanted to go halvsies in a gift, they asked what and I said “a vasectomy…” my Mum almost choked on her tea hahaha.