Unfortunately not the clearblue, which is the blue we all want to be feeling am I right? Well, except if it brings you a BFN.
I worked nightshift tonight and PJ Storytime was on a my Library. It was quite confronting to see so many toddlers running about the library. Don’t get me wrong, I love PJ Storytime… normally and it is always packed. But we are coming up to the end of the first cycle since my surgery and to be honest I am kinda packing it. Which is stupid really because the chances of me being pregnant are very slim, we didn’t fool around as much as we should have due to Hubby’s work being ridiculously busy and having him in overtime constantly.
So I keep telling myself these things, we didn’t have enough super mega fun happy time, we did do it around the right times, but not a lot so there is every chance that nothing happened. Aren’t I supposed to keep hope up though? I don’t know anymore. I guess I have been so full of hope for other cycles and the fallout has been terrible so I am not letting my hope get up this cycle. I still think the fallout will be bad though.
I think all of this is heightened tonight because I go and see the specialist tomorrow for the first time since surgery and I know he is going to ask about my weight (which had gone up a couple of kilos, but those are almost all off now) and because I haven’t lost his magical 10kgs number we won’t go forward with IVF yet. To be honest I am not too upset if we just try for a couple of cycles, maybe the clean out and flush and ovarian drilling he did will have some effect.
I feel like I am at a crossroads at the moment. I know what I need to do moving forward if I am honest, but man it is hard for me. I have been making small life changes with the aim of making them habits (which I have), but I feel like I am going to have to do something drastic diet wise for awhile to really get the kgs off, but then I know they will come back on again. Man this is hard.
IF sufferers unite 🙂