A lull…

I know I have been absent. I abandoned you and I am sorry. The difficulties I discussed in my last post along with some not so good stuff going on at work that I am not aloud to talk about at the moment, but suffice to say that it is stressful stuff.

I have also just been really down and feeling quite lonely. I think whilst I love my new home moving there and not having the company of my parents has compounded the sadness of the IVF transfer failing. The place often feels rather empty and whilst I would like to do activities like unpacking and gardening and what not together, Hubby generally seems to like to get stuck into things separately which I guess is fine, but not grand for the whole lonely thing.

Just sad

We got the test results for our frozen emby and it is completely normal. HUGE sigh of relief!!! They sent me the report which I thought would list all the different tests they did on it, but it didn’t. We opened it and it simply had our names, when the testing was done, that it tested normal at the highest percentage, the GENDER and that it was fit for transfer. Yup that’s right, we were not going to find out the gender because I was worried I would get too emotionally invested in this life that might not come to be and we found out by accident. Meanwhile I was totally right, I tried not too, but all I can think about is this little life and what they might look like and how I would love to do the nursery. OMG SO BAD you guys, I have not had any of that too badly, but it is in high gear now.Hubby and I decided we are not going to tell anyone the sex (I reserve the right to change my mind about this) even if it works it is the one thing we feel that we would like to keep to ourselves.

I became desperate to have the next transfer work I decided I HAD to lose weight somehow and signed up to Isagenix because it worked for my friend. I did it because I was desperate basically. Well I learned my lesson, I did not react well to this system, it tasted awful and I gagged my way through the shakes and the pills. By day two I was severely (and uncomfortably almost painfully) bloated and had added 5+cm to my waist line. They kept pushing me to continue it and go on a cleanse day and said it was normal. I had a big break down to my husband and talked to him about my/our diet and lifestyle and that I was desperate to lose weight to give this baby the best chance at latching on. We talked for hours. I made the decision to return the Isagenix and look at another way of getting fit. This all happened during the two weeks I took off of work because I needed some head space. Weight watchers has previously been amazing for me and teaches you good eating habits. We decided to do this instead, I just have to wait for my refund for Isagenix.

So yes I have been struggling with some seriously sad feelings. Hubby actually wanted me to see someone because he said in 9 years he had never seen me like this. I think I just really needed the two weeks off to veg out, sleep and work through some shit (I am a GREAT bottler of feelings). I feel a lot better for it. Now I just have to send off the stuff back to Isagenix, get my money back, join up to weight watchers (or rather rejoin) and go to the Pilate class I convinced my friends to attend with me once a week after work (don’t worry I intend to do more than one bout of exercise per week πŸ™‚ )

sleep

All the sleep!!!

What crazy things have you guys tried when you were desperate to lose weight? Did it work?

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About DitchTheBun

I work in a Public Library full time as the Reference & Information Services Librarian. It is a full on, busy role with much variety and many challenges and I love it! I love being able to be part of selecting books for our library service too, so amazing!!! I love the idea of thinking about our patrons and what they might enjoy reading. I have strange sometimes very outside the box ideas that I want to try at work, I just need to convince others of how awesome my ideas are. Saving the Library, one awesome plan at a time. Hmm... I need a cape - all the awesome super heroes have a cape! View all posts by DitchTheBun

10 responses to “A lull…

  • EmilyMaine

    Oh I am so sorry to hear you haven’t been feeling happy 😦 Massive hugs you gorgeous thing. I am glad you ditched the isogenix. While it works for some I honestly do think it is a good thing to do when prepping to become pregnant. There is too much low calorie stuff going on which can flip your body to starvation mode and I don’t think that would help an embie embed. I found it quite difficult to manage my weight while TTC for this reason, basically I was wary of doing anything too drastic. If I was you I’d focus on eating as clean as possible – focus on portion control and fresh fruit and veg – limited to zero processed food. And for exercise do lots of vigorous walking and keep it at that. Your overall system will be most healthy this way and that’s what you want.

    Yay that your little embie is nice and healthy. Statistically you get 45% of blasts in a batch as healthy so that seems right on for the stats. Thinking of you xx

    • DitchTheBun

      Thanks. I think you meant to say that you don’t think Isagenix is good to do πŸ™‚
      We are definitely working on the diet. It is about being prepared which we just have to get much better at hahaha.
      Maybe the other wasn’t healthy then, who knows. I have a lot of anxiety over transferring the embryo now. I will literally be putting all my eggs in one uterus haha.

  • Holly

    I’m sorry you have been having a rough time of it inside and at work. Here’s hoping things to start to turn around with the positive changes you have planned going forward. ((hugs))

    • DitchTheBun

      Thanks and hugs back at you.
      Oh I certainly hope so too. It was just awful timing that I got slapped with everything at once. Hoping the second half of the year is more positive πŸ™‚

  • Amy M.

    I’m sorry that you’ve been having a rough time, and really sorry that they shocked you with the gender results!! With our test, we weren’t given ANY info, and definitely nothing directly from the lab. We weren’t even allowed to know what abnormalities they had, we were only told by our Dr that they were either viable or not and that was it. Funny how differently everyone does it.
    I’m glad that you’ve made some decisions and found some things to help you out right now. Is hubby going to do the Weight Watchers with you? I hope that it works out for you!! I also hope that work settles down for you soon. Maybe you can get to know some of your new neighbors and hang out with them? Good luck with everything, and let me know if you need anything!

    • DitchTheBun

      I wanted to know what they tested for and so asked for the report, I guess I should have known it would be on there. I just thought it would be easy to avoid. Curious me (and hubby) just really wanted to know all the other information (which it didn’t tell us anyway).
      Surprised that they wouldn’t tell you why they were abnormal. How disappointing.
      Hubby will sort of have to do it with me because I will likely be cooking all the dinners πŸ™‚
      I will hopefully be making come to the gym with me twice a week though on Mondays and Saturdays.
      Thanks xx

  • My Perfect Breakdown

    I’m so sad to hear that you are having such a rough time lately. I wish I could just give you a giant hug!

  • Dubliner in Deutschland

    I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so down lately. I go through phases myself where infertility makes me depressed to other times when I feel generally ok. It’s hard. I hope you’ll start feeling yourself again. That’s great new that the embryo is healthy!

    • DitchTheBun

      It is a really hard journey to be on. I’m sorry you are going through this too.
      I have been feeling better the last week or so. There have been a few talks with hubby and trying new things which has pulled me out of the slump a bit πŸ™‚
      SO HAPPY about the embryo being healthy. I was so worried about that. There was so much that went into getting those two embryos and I really wasn’t ready to be told that I would have to go through egg retrieval again!

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