6 year anniversary of TTC is looming

So the IUI was a bust. Unfortunately as AF was 4 days late my hopes had grown super high. I didn’t POAS because I really wanted that hope to last for a little bit longer. I started bleeding the afternoon before my bloods were done. I let the nurse know and said I was confused because I was extremely regular and I it was very weird for me to be more than one day off. Only to be told that Pregnyl can make AF late. *SIGH* I really wish they would tell you this stuff when they give you the medications. So I thought I would share it with you all so you may avoid being caught unawares…

So far I have learned that Pregnyl and progesterone (anything) can/will delay AF. Obviously everyone’s body is different, we may not all react the same… yadda, yadda, yadda ๐Ÿ™‚

As we come up to the 6 year anniversary of TTC in a couple of months I find myself questioning everything. Currently I have been TTC for 70 months, 70 failed cycles. That’s such a burden you guys. One of the most natural things my body should be doing and it won’t. I’ve never even had a BFP. I know people who have had 3 children in the time I have been trying to fall pregnant once!

Here are some of the things I am questioning:

Should I be looking at a different job which is less hours and stress so I can focus more on a health journey? Could I do a secondment at work or ask to go part time in my role for 6 months or longer? But all my pay goes towards an IVF fund which keeps us moving foward and I don’t really know if I could afford a pay cut.

I know in myself I could do amazingly well in this industry. I have been the library industry version of head hunted quite a few times and I am a hard worker who isn’t afraid of change or leaping outside the box. But any amount of success in this industry would not mean much to me if it meant foregoing the opportunity to be a Mum.

 

Recently I have asked myself a very important question…

Would I be willing to basically blow up my life if it meant we could have children?

The answer is yes.

 

Is this something I need to do? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know.

 

What could this look like?

  • I have had doctors talk to me before about weight reduction surgery. I have never really considered it because it just didn’t feel right and I have met quite a few people for whom this wasn’t really a long term solution and they have had to have it redone down the track. During this cycle a nurse who has had it done at the FS office chatted to me about it. I asked her about the fact that we would not be able to do IVF during this time and she said we would still be able to make embryos and bank them, but that generally they will not allow us to transfer them for a year post surgery. I am very much in two minds about this, but will raise it with my FS on Thursday when we see her.
  • Leave my job or ask for reduced hours to concentrate on a health journey. This is something I have thought about quite seriously. It makes me really sad because I really love a lot of the people I work with. I would really rather not leave, but I don’t know that my job could be done in less hours. Part of me feels that something drastic like this has to happen though. I have a very sedentary life in this job and there are not a lot of ways to fix that.
    If I get the surgery discussed above I will likely have to have quite some time off anyway so who knows.
  • Completely retrain for another industry. This is something I have also thought about quite seriously. In particular I have thought about going back to uni and becoming a nutritionist that specialises in PCOS, IR and Diabetes. I have looked and have found it very hard to find specialists anywhere near me. I have also thought about going back to uni and becoming an specialist in the area of Autism. My nephew has Autism and I know a few other children who are on the spectrum too and there is a lot of talk by specialists of all the restrictions children on the spectrum will have. I would love to be a specialist who works closely with children with Autism to help them work through their own individual difficulties and overcome obstacles as well as develop techniques to help them navigate everyday life. Every single person is different, having Autism doesn’t change that, everyone is a snowflake and you need to treat them as such.
    Both of these options would include more work, stress and sedentary behaviour whilst I become qualified and established so I don’t know how realistic these choices are.

 

Has anyone out there blown up their life for this? Would love to hear your stories. Advise is also COMPLETELY welcome! I would love some!!!

 

 

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About DitchTheBun

I work in a Public Library full time as the Reference & Information Services Librarian. It is a full on, busy role with much variety and many challenges and I love it! I love being able to be part of selecting books for our library service too, so amazing!!! I love the idea of thinking about our patrons and what they might enjoy reading. I have strange sometimes very outside the box ideas that I want to try at work, I just need to convince others of how awesome my ideas are. Saving the Library, one awesome plan at a time. Hmm... I need a cape - all the awesome super heroes have a cape! View all posts by DitchTheBun

18 responses to “6 year anniversary of TTC is looming

  • Amy M.

    I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling for so long. Those are a lot of big things to think of and consider. It’s so unfair that dealing with IF makes you question your entire life. I guess I don’t have any real advice for you, other than if you feel strongly about something, then do it. It’s absolutely scary to make a big life change like any that you’re talking about, but if it’s what your heart is telling you to do, sometimes it’s worth the risk. I do hope this new Dr helps you out as well, I still have high hopes for that!

    • DitchTheBun

      I know. I don’t seem to go small when I start thinking about things.
      Very scary, but I feel like something has to change. We are now looking at surrogacy as well. My closest girlfriend has been offering for a long time and as soon as we made the decision to start looking into it I felt really good about it so we are looking into that very seriously. It has been 3 years in discussions so definitely not a light decision.
      Thanks for your support ๐Ÿ™‚

  • My Perfect Breakdown

    I am so sorry that you are coming up on 6 years – that’s a heartbreaking anniversary that no-one should have to face.
    As for particle experience, I quit my job after our 4th loss. We thought we would try one last time after we completely remove stress from my life and enable me to focus on my mental health Well, we tried, got pregnant (because that’s the part we were good at) and we lost another baby. So, was quitting my job the solution? Nope. But, as I worked for a horrible employer and hated my job, it was a good thing for my mental health. So, for that reason I don’t regret our decision, but I do know that it didn’t make a difference to our ability to stay pregnant. As well, we made the decision that we had to move forward with no regrets and quitting my job enabled us to do that.
    I think my biggest piece of advice is to do whatever is best for you and your husband. I tend to think that somehow if you do whatever feels best for the two of you, it’ll lead you down the right path with no regrets.

    • DitchTheBun

      Thanks so much. I think that is great advice.
      I think part of my issue with my job is that I do love it. I actually managed to complete my 5 year plan within 2 years of graduating. So maybe I got what I wanted too soon and now I am restless. I don’t know. I do love my job and that makes it very hard to figure out what the right thing to do is ๐Ÿ™‚

  • mamajo23

    6 years is just so so brutal. I am all about manifesting your own destiny and making changes and trying new things. One life here that we know of and I think we often regret the things we don’t do more than the ones we try. I also think if you quiet the voices in your head your gut can lead you the right way. Xo

    • DitchTheBun

      Thanks for your comment. Great advice!
      Oh my gosh sometimes the voices are so loud and overwhelming.
      For so long everything has been about making a baby. It’s a lot of pressure when you feel like you are the one letting the team down.
      Need to find a way to quiet the voices and just be me for a minute.

  • Rach @ Stories for Strength

    Ahhhhh hon it is all so hard. I’m so sorry the IUI didn’t work out for you. Statistically they aren’t that favourable unfortunately but you always hope to be the one for whom it is different. We did three of those.

    As for blowing up your life – it just depends on you I guess. Will you be committed to the health stuff of you have the extra time or do you think you’d end up using the time in some other way? You don’t need to tell me the answer – just something for you to consider. I find too that now I’m not working full time I find it so much more difficult to eat healthily. I snack more as I’m out more and buying treats for the kids etc. At work I was quite busy and restricted to what I’d bought in for food for the most part so it was a lot easier to control.

    I did lots of little things when we were TTC that were intended to help us have success. Whether they did or not I will never know. But I just tried to not get too complicated about it and choose my things and just do that. I wish you clarity as you move forward. X

    • Rach @ Stories for Strength

      Hey lovely, I was just on Facebook and thought of you as someone posted their before and after photos in this LCHF page I follow. Have you looked into that as a way of eating? People seem to be having lots of success with it. The reason the chick reminded me of you is that she has PCOS. Anyway she was quite heavy – i imagine too heavy even for IVF – and looks incredible after 9 months of eating this way. I think it’s a lifelong change though. You have to just decide to do it forever. I’ve dabbled with it but I find it hard to say a long goodbye to carbs. I can cut most in my day to day eating but all good snacks have carbs haha when I do it properly I have found I really do fill up on the fats and truly don’t crave the bad stuff. You def have the desire to eat less. There is another blog I follow where the chick does a very simple version of this eating. I’ll find he link and bring it back for you. The reason I like it is there is no limit to the amount of food you can eat if it comes off the good list so if you are hungry you can eat. Plus he good list includes dairy – so cheese!! And animal fats – so yes to crispy skin on chicken. Mmmmmm It is the most tasty of eating ways I have found out there. I really should get back to it. Anyway just thought I’d pass the info on in case you hadn’t looked into it. X

    • DitchTheBun

      In my case I don’t know that I would snack more because I would be home more. There are a lot of active things around the house that we are just not keeping on top of because we work long hours. Simple things like really thorough cleans and the garden, grass and weeds, the washing etc.
      I would also be putting in a veggie garden which would be a hobby, but again keep me active and I would be cooking a lot more proper meals which I often do not have the time to do at the moment.
      There are a lot of active women in our area and most of the active activities happen during the day so they would be great to attend.
      Thanks. I would love some clarity. Every little bit helps ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Katie

    Kat, I have been reading your blogs (via my email subscription) and been meaning to comment for some time. I think about you regularly and know we also meant to connect on Facebook – which I’d still love to do. I am so sorry that you are still on this journey. Although I’m in my situation it doesn’t take much for me to remember our own experiences and feel complete and utter empathy for those still searching for the right combination of things to try.

    As you know, I’m a PCOS Princess too. My cycles have been annual (yes one a YEAR) since my mid-teens. I tried accupuncture and natropathy when trying for Little Man, and again when trying after him. My cycle came down to around 45 days. Obviously with PCOS this is just the beginning and that’s also where progesterone came in to try and keep the pregnancies viable.

    I have to say, the biggest thing for me was the gym. I know, I know. But it really helped EVERYTHING. My blood sugar seemed to come under control to the point I no longer needed my metformin and my cycle became even more regular – to a 35 day-ish. I think the hormones kind of corrected too and that is how I credit getting pregnant with the girls. I can’t speak for why or HOW I managed to keep them without miscarrying (you know my history) but I definitely think exercise had a massive overall impact. In all honesty, I really REALLY wish I had joined a gym when I was working and without children. The mental help was enormous and I thoroughly enjoyed going to the point where I now miss it and can’t wait to get be able to get back into it. I only did classes – x2 zumba (OMG so fun), x1 body balance, x1 half hour yoga (before a zumba class) and a half hour step class that nearly killed me once a week.

    I know it’s easy for me to say try that but seriously, try it. I’ve been in your position, I’ve had the treatment, I’ve had/have the additional weight due to PCOS and this was the main thing that made a difference. I genuinely believe it’s how I conceived the girls. I’m obviously not trying to give you false hope or tell you it’s not hard work, I actually didn’t really lose a huge amount of weight – just a few kilos but I really noticed it with my blood sugar and how my body processed food. I also naturally ate better. It’s something you could implement before making a bigger change like you’ve listed. Give yourself three months at a good gym with great classes and I bet you won’t look back. TTC aside, the mental health you will gain will definitely help you on your journey. Love, K x

    • DitchTheBun

      I love the gym and though I have been naughty lately I do go when I can.
      For most of last year I was going at least 2 times a week for an hour each time and doing a 1 hour pilates class (with usually a half hour to hour work out beforehand). I do feel good within myself when I do it.
      Unfortunately whilst my body changed shape a little bit I did not lose weight (even though my diet was better). I have done zumba too and I agree so SO fun!
      I am not sure what the answer is for me as my body has stopped reacting to what it used to.
      I have been keeping up with you too, happy to connect whenever you like ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  • Heather C

    I’m so sorry! It is so heart breaking when stupid AF shows up! We get so in tune with our bodies during the TWW that we want to believe every little sign leads to the double lines. Sending you positive vibes โค

  • Dubliner in Deutschland

    So I was going to say that I don’t think you need to give up your job. Infertility already takes so much from people going through it. However, I liked your retraining ideas! If that would make you happy, you should go for it! Instead of going for the weight reduction surgery could you spend the next six months trying to really shake things up? Like you could try to add some walking/cycling/swimming into your week. I’m not sure if you watch TV, but when I was trying to lose some weight, I would move around/dance/use exercise bike while watching my shows! In terms of diet, my husband and I ended up both losing weight without trying when we went partially vegan! We reduced the amount of animal products (including dairy) that we ate, and cut down on processed foods. It didn’t feel like we were eating any less, but our metabolism sped up! We made a lot of homemade veggie curries, stuff like that. You can get used to eating less cheese. I also cut dairy and gluten the month I was doing IVF as I’d heard they can cause inflammation in the body. Best of luck!

    • DitchTheBun

      Hi, thanks for the ideas.
      Shaking things up wise last year was a huge health year. For months on end I was going to the gym 3 times a week for at least an hour and then again for an hour Pilates class once a week. I was being good on my food. My body changed shape and I felt better, but I lost nothing.
      I do have to be careful cutting gluten with PCOS and IR because many foods that are gluten free are high in sugar which affect my condition.
      The surgery was first recommended to me by a doctor more than 10 years ago now. I didn’t like the idea of banding so I said no. It has been discussed with me several times since so it has been a long journey to get to thinking about actually doing it in a serious way. Still not 100% decided, but I have some serious work to do for just me I think. Time to be a little selfish ๐Ÿ™‚ I will meet with the specialist and see what he says. It’s taken 10+ years to even meet with a specialist so who knows what will happen. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • libraryowl33

    Iโ€™m also approaching 6 years on my IF journey, and Iโ€™m so sorry youโ€™re going through this. I know it is so indescribably painful to watch everyone around you grow their family while you basically feel like youโ€™re sitting still.
    Iโ€™m not sure what to suggest as far as your job. I love being a librarian and couldnโ€™t imagine giving that up. My job is what keeps me sane and distracted when the IF stuff gets particularly overwhelming.
    I also struggle with weight issues, and itโ€™s frustrating because I stress-eat, and remaining barren is the most constant stress Iโ€™ve ever known. Itโ€™s also something I canโ€™t fix, which stresses me out. Iโ€™m planning to try to eat clean starting next Weekend through the end of the year. Want to be my accountability buddy?
    These are some huge changes, and you just went through a really big disappointment, so I would give yourself some time. Maybe see how you feel at the end of the year, and decide which changes you want to make? *hugs*
    Ps. Iโ€™m pretty sure you would make an excellent counselor ๐Ÿ˜Š

    • DitchTheBun

      So sorry you are still on this journey as well. So rough. Honestly I never knew how strong I was until I got a few years into this journey. Doing an egg pick up awake when the local doesn’t take immediately was completely traumatic. I used to be reasonably modest with strangers and have anxiety about needles… now I just jump up and put my feet in the stirrups.
      OMG I stress eat so much. I have asked for information about possible depression pills I might be able to take whilst on stims, I feel that I could use the help. It is all getting a bit much and I feel like I could use some additional assistance. I haven’t taken happy pills in years, but I think it is a good idea.
      I think next year is going to be a big year of change for me so I will hold off on job changes for now. The surgery I have been considering on and off for over a decade now so I am going to take the step and meet with the specialist, but see where we go from there. Not locking in to anything, but have felt like I am butting my head against a brick wall all year weight wise. Just not shifting anything.
      Ooh I might have missed your weekend start, sorry. Happy to help any way I can. I’d like to concentrate on trying to have a meal cooked at home each night of the week, that has been super hard for me lately. Even if it is toasted sandwiches I would like to try to eat less takeaway and when I do eat out make sure I am making decent choices.
      Huge hugs to you too!! Thanks for the counselor comment ๐Ÿ™‚ I like helping people. x

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