Category Archives: Surgery

IVF Cycle – Freeze all

Fertility update time… update is… still having fertility issues.

We have done a freeze all cycle where I was on 300 Gonal F all the way up until trigger, with Orgalutran and then an Ovidrel and something else (Lucrin I think) trigger.

We got 11 eggs which I was stoked with. Honestly for some completely unknown reason that has always been my hope number so I was super pleased – and quite uncomfortable for a couple of days. My body had down in one month what would normally take 11 months. So YAY! But OUCH!

So 7 successfully fertilised, they said 10 were mature which is super suprising – everything must have just lined up really well this cycle. They also said they injected which was funny because we had never talked with them about doing ISCI, but it was already done so… what are you gonna do amiright?! Day 3 all 7 were still going, 6 were right on target and one was one cell behind (colour me shocked because those results are super incredible). Day 5 they rang and said only 2 could be tested and frozen, I was suprised and sad because of how well the others had been doing (and because I was still full of ALL the hormones). They said that they could take the rest to day 6 and call me then.

Day 6 they called and 2 more of them stepped up to the plate!!! So a total of 4 have been PGS tested and frozen.

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4 lil frosties 🙂

Initially they told us that because we are young and there is no history of any chromosomal issues on either side as far back as we can track that there was not really a need for PGS. We decided we wanted it anyway because we want to make sure we are only transferring embryos with the highest chance of survival, when we transferred one that was not tested and received a BFN the first thing the nurse said was, “well the embryo wasn’t tested so you just don’t know if there were abnormalities”. I wan’t to completely eliminate the chance of that so that it is one less if, but or maybe that we have to deal with 🙂

We were hoping to go straight into another cycle so we could get some banked up, but funds are seriously restricting that at the moment and I get the impression that my husband wants a break from it over Christmas.

We have a specialist appointment on the 19 December and we get the results then. Disapointed that I have to pay another $200+ in order to be told how many made it through testing. Feels like a waste! I don’t even get to see my actual specialist as she is on holidays, I get a fill in. Kind of frustrated by that.

Fingers crossed that the majority of them come back good. Hoping, hoping, hoping, hoping!!!! Come on lil frosty babes!!!

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Raw: Infertility

Warning: this is going to be raw. I am not going to edit it and I am going to babble. I do not expect my thoughts to be flowing perfectly because that’s not what happens to my emotions when I think about this. This post is about the struggles of infertility from my perspective and I’m not gonna lie, there will be swearing and talk some people might find uncomfortable. Oh and it will probably be long. How long? Hmm… as long as I need it to be hahaha. 

I’m just going to say it, I am going to say what we are all thinking. Infertility is BULLSHIT! It is a horrible, no good, low down, nasty bugger of a thing!

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Source: iaintskinny.wordpress.com

One of my fears growing up was that I would be barren, I have no idea why I had this fear. There was certainly no precedence for it, but have it I did and more than once I have wondered whether my fear somehow brought on my condition/s (AKA PCOS, Insulin Resistance and a slow as all hell metabolism). You know mind over matter and all that jazz. Obviously this is probably ridiculous, but you think a lot of strange things on the IF journey.

The IF journey has a huge effect on not only the women involved, but also their partners. If they are open about their struggles it will possibly also effect their immediate family, other children they have and friends.

I often feel as though the word ‘infertility’ could be used synonymously with ‘depression’ or ‘anxiety’ because in my mind there is no doubt it causes or greatly contributes to causing both. There is no way you could go through this process, this journey and not be affected by it, if I ever meet someone who says they aren’t I am going to ask what prescriptions they are on because I need to get me some of that!

Each month is this stupid mental and physical roller-coaster. Let’s have a look shall we…

From day one of your cycle (first day of Aunt Flo (AF)) you are cramping, in pain, yet dedicated to trying for a baby so you are already basal temping first thing in the morning and recording it down like a dutiful soldier (let’s not mince words here because you are fighting the war against infertility). For those who haven’t experienced this let me be more clear, we take our temperature and write it down, then chart it to figure out when we are ovulating. We do all of this first thing when we wake up of a morning before even sitting up in bed. We do this everyday of our cycle, which means we do this every day of the year, every year until we fall pregnant (or switch methods).

Once AF has finally disappeared a new game begins. Depending on how long you have been trying to conceive (TTC) you might be just basal temping, you might be using ovulation strips (you pee on them) to identify when you ovulate and there are many other techniques and/or medications you could be trying. Pretty much the further into the game you get the more you try. At this point I am more than 4.5 years into this baby making game… tenacity people 🙂 So here is what I do. I temp every morning, once AF finishes we then start the sperm meets egg method which involves having sex every two days, from the 10th day of my cycle I continue basal temping and back it up with peeing on an ovulation stick. Once I get a positive result we ‘try’ three days in a row, then skip one day and then have sex again. After that comes the wait, you’d think this meant a holiday which I would totally deserve as all the above is pretty exhausting whilst maintaining a full time job, house and eating, pooping and now apparently exercising and whatnot.

“The two week wait” – this sentence wets the eye of even the toughest of the infertility community. The two week wait is the space between when you ovulate and the end of your cycle. It is completely torturous and the whole time you are asking yourself if there was more you could have done to ensure pregnancy and you are praying and begging whoever is in charge up there to help you out. Trust me, it doesn’t matter how non-denominational you are, at some point you will pray. Naturally stress, anxiety and angst is probably not good for a developing embryo, but hey there is only so much chocolate one can eat and we can’t have alcohol because we are trying to get knocked up. ‘Knocked Up’ I used to enjoy that movie, now it just pisses me off.

The closer you get to the end of the two week wait the more anxious you become. You pay attention to every little twinge in your body, do you feel nauseated? You cup your breasts trying to figure out if they are bigger or sensitive. You have conversations with yourself convincing yourself over and over again that there is no point in taking a pregnancy test early because the results won’t show properly. How long can you hang out? This past month I made it to day 29. I had no indications whatsoever of AF, no cramps or spotting at all. So I tested, and… nothing. Big fat negative (BFN). Naturally I was upset, an hour later I go to the toilet and there is AF. Meanwhile what is this ‘Aunt Flo’ stuff? It’s a period. I HATE getting my period, but I love when my Aunts come to visit. It is a period in every sense of the word and the words it gives you when it comes are “You period Are period Not period Pregnant period Again period!”

2ww

Source: sachablack.co.uk

Then with the beginning of your period you are back to cycle day 1 and get to start the fun all over again.

You would think this would be enough to throw anyone off balance right? Right! But just for the heck of it, let’s add on some more stuff.

Amongst all of the above you will need to be seeing probably a GP and a Fertility Specialist (because we are all made of money too) and they might put you on Clomid which turn your ovulation cycles into overdrive, imagine if a normal ovulation cycle is a Nicholas Sparks novel inspired film like the Notebook, well Clomid and it’s awesome emotional side effects are the equivalent of Arnie taking on the predator. You will be WAY emotional, in fact on day 6 of my first round of Clomid I cried in the middle of a restaurant you can read about cycle 2 of Clomid here and here.

If you have PCOS and/or Insulin Resistance you will probably be put on Metformin which can also have some amazeballs side effects. Seriously you guys they are so awesome… not. In a post called ‘The Metformin Effect’ I discussed the fortunate and not so fortunate side effects of this medication and also have some very handy hints on how you can handle them until your body is used to it and settles down.

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What is your fave colour?

If you have a lazy ass metabolism you will probably be put on something like Eutroxsig or Oroxine. This can be hit and miss and definitely look up the side effects in case you have a bad one. I was on Eutroxig at first and all my hair started falling out. Then I finally got changed to Oroxine and thank god the hair situation has calmed down.

Then you have the surgeries. Convinced I had endometriosis the specialist decided to do a laparoscopy complete with a uterus clean out, tubal flush and ovarian drilling (which is exactly what it sounds like). For me this was not fun. I also got an infection in one of the wounds which made me very sick and I still didn’t get a baby.

Then you can move on to IVF. This is where you spend your savings, or take out a loan/second mortgage, dip into your superannuation or just spend your future kids college fund on a variety of medications and medical procedures where they give you lots of drugs through needles to send your ovaries into crazy egg producing mode, you have a bunch of blood tests (more needles), then ultrasounds where they stick a wand up your vajayjay, then they put a massive needle up and through your vagina wall and into your follicles to extract said eggs (apparently some women are knocked out for this, but I got to experience it all in HD! Honestly one of the most traumatic experiences of my life to date), then you get to be completely angry at your partner because all they have to do is have a date with a sample cup. The sperm and eggs are put in a petri dish for 24 hours for their own date and then the angst begins again.

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Sperm meets Egg

For me it went like this.

Because I had done wayyyy too much reading into statistics I decided that 11 would be a good base number… we got 9 so that was already disappointing for me. Overnight 6 fertilised which is more than 50% which is good so then I was happy. Come day 3 and 3 were looking good, come day 5 and only 2 were looking really good.

They transferred 1, more tubes and what not up my vajayjay freezing the other and sending a sample for genetic testing. Then I was sent home to start the dreaded TWW yet again (see above). My TWW did not end as hoped and there were LOTS of tears to be had.

Meanwhile your first period after egg retrieval and transfer is a painful SOB!!! Seriously it was SO BAD that the cramping disturbed my bowls and I had to leave work because the bleeding and diarrhea was sooo bad I could not be out in public!

Then there was more waiting to see if the embryo we had frozen was normal… 4.5 weeks later we found out it was THANK whoever is upstairs!

I truly hope that one day my journey ends with my husband and I having a child, but to date I can summarise my IF journey as follows: waiting, perfunctory sex, all of the NEEDLES and going broke. Not to mention the fact that I feel like my vagina should be charging admission at this point, she’s reaching studio 54 numbers now. And then there’s breaking your heart once a month when AF arrives or you don’t see that second line on the pee stick. I just want to earn my stripes!

There is still much for me to figure out like how to do those pee sticks without peeing on yourself… so hard to pee on teeny stick when you first wake up in the morning.

I have terrible days, friends, an unhealthy obsession with chocolate, fellow bloggers and a sick sense of humour seem to get me through. What gets you through?

 


Egg collection & fertilisation

Egg collection went well. I was hella nervous, but managed to keep myself together for half of the procedure. I felt like he could have been a bit more gentle, but then obviously I was a lot more tender than I would normally be so maybe he was.

The first half was okay. The general anesthetic hurt, but a needle inside your lady parts is always going to smart a little. That was all pretty text book and my meditation breathing was calming me down. Then he put the anesthetic in the left side and it hurt like hell. I managed to keep my pelvis still, but my back arched off the bed. The doc said ‘oops, sorry, I’m sorry’ so I think something happened there.

That pain broke the emotional barrier though and I was suddenly overwhelmed by what we were doing and the silent tears just started falling. Next thing I know the lovely English nurse is by my side chatting to me and rubbing my arm and giving me tissues. Totally love her!

Onto the good news… numbers. We got 9 eggs. I was personally hoping for 11 because I was going by the 50% drop off rate for each stage and had thought that would be a great starting number. 9 is great though… plus in the end it only takes 1 right? ! ☺

Further to this news is the call I got not long ago to say that they put the eggs and sperm in together and overnight 6 eggs fertilised. Got of the phone and burst into tears. I was so happy. The last time I was this elated we were getting married.

For the first time in my life I have embryos. Not one… six!!! That’s such a good number and way more than I was hoping for.

I do understand that not all of then will make it to day 5, I am being realistic with this, but after 4.5 years of trying for a child the knowledge that we are on day 1 with 6 embryos is amazing!

Originally we were going to test all embryos and do a frozen cycle transfer next month. However, the specialist and the scientist convinced us that because we are healthy and young and there is absolutely no history of any abnormalities in our families if we get a 5 day embryo of good quality we will do a transfer this cycle. That decision is exciting and surprising. Now I just have to keep sending my embies strong growth vibes. Come on kids! ☺


Hycosy

Well that was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life.

Yesterday I went for my Hycosy procedure. I’m not going to lie, I was scared. I had been told it would hurt and I knew they were not administering a local so no part of me was looking forward to this. In saying that I knew it had to be done so that we could find out about the hydrosalpingx and then next week go and see the specialist and see what to do about it. I had basically already surrendered myself to waiting quite a few more months to start IVF and honestly I was not in a great place mentally.

Over the past 6 months or so there has been much in my life that has felt like an uphill battle. Stuff with the house, with my fertility, with my weight issues and the eating issues that surround that, family stuff, my uncle passing away,  stuff with Hubby’s work and whilst I love my job I have been starting to experience a little burnout. I am just really tired guys and this hydrosalpingx felt like another kick in the face. My positive Polly attitude was struggling big time.

I took Hubby along because a) I was scared and b) I wasn’t allowed to drive afterwards.

So I get on the bed, they levitate me so high I feel like this

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She tells me I may get some slight discomfit, but to remember it will soon pass. Turns out “discomfort” translates to severe abdominal stabby, crampy pain, but you have to hold still. It does pass after a minute or so and I think Okay, cool, I did it. Nice job.

Then she started sending in the water and I just got wave after wave of this ongoing pain.

DeanScreams

It was awful. Did. Not. Like! I managed to not make a sound, but I had a couple of tears going and man did I feel nauseous too. Apparently the pain was being caused because the amount of water they had to put in expanded my uterus to the size it would be if I were 8 weeks pregnant. Awesome.

After awhile the pain calmed down a little and they started looking at all my stuff. The tech said that everything looked nice and clear and the doctor said, “what about the hydrosalpingx?” The tech replied that she couldn’t find one. The doc took over and found it, but it turns out that it is not a hydrosalpingx, but rather a small tubular cyst.

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Yup, no hydrosalpingx!

Happy tears and goodness and making hills alive with music and whatnot!

The sheer relief I felt at hearing this news was huge! I hadn’t realised how much dread I felt at having to “fix” something else.

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It also means that our appointment next Monday with the specialist will be for a much different (and happier) purpose 🙂

Happy trails to all.


Post surgery update

Hi everyone, sorry I didn’t put an update sooner. Surgery on the Saturday went really well and they were all lovely to me. I am pretty sure the anesthesiologist slipped me a pre shot without me even knowing about it because I was panicked (like I felt on the brink of a panic attack, but was trying to hide it), then I felt something cool in my arm and all of a sudden I couldn’t feel panic anymore. Everything was sweet. They took me into this big operating room and I thought the lights were huge and looked like flying saucers, this should have made me nervous, but didn’t. They asked me to get myself on the table and I did it, no sweat, no hesitation and that is the last thing I remember until I woke up in recovery… holy crap… I was roofied! 🙂

Everyone at the hospital was very lovely, it was probably the best first hospital experience one could have. I was REALLY in and out of it the first couple of days, I found it really hard to sleep in solid blocks and it was mostly and hour or two here then up for 2 hours then back to bed which was just completely frustrating. I couldn’t get comfortable at all. Drove hubby mental because he just wanted me to be resting. Everything seemed to be going well.

Come the Monday I wasn’t having any pain from the two wounds on the bottom of my stomache, but the one in my belly button was giving me grief. No matter what position I was in it hurt, it made me feel nauseated and just not great and I spent most of Monday in bed.

Come Tuesday I didn’t get out of bed until lunchtime, felt like crap and didn’t want to eat. I was back in bed by 2.30. Walked out to hubby just before 5 and said I feel really ill, he took one look at me (apparently I was a lovely shade of grey) and declared we were going to the doctors. My temperature was up to 37.6 which might not see that high for a normal person, but if you remember back to my temperature tracking my normal temp is in the low 36’s… I should also mention that I had taken panadeine forte just 1.5hours before which should have taken care of a temperature.

So it turned out that my belly button wound was infected… yay. As soon as they cleaned it out I felt a bit better (not as nauseated), it mean all of last week off work and some heavy meds, but I was feeling a lot better within 24 hours so that was good. I am back at work now and I am finding that I am super tired at night. Although today’s tiredness can be blamed on a reading hangover… damn book getting up to a really good part just as I was going to bed hahaha.

Anyways the diagnosis. I was really happy with my specialist a) he was super lovely when I saw him pre-operation b) he didn’t get to see me before I was discharged so I get a call at 7.30pm that night from him to talk to me about what they found, or more precisely what they didn’t find. There was no sign of any kind of endometriosis at all! I couldn’t believe it, going in both the doc and I were pretty sure they’d find some, but no, nothing. There were also no tube blockages, well he said it seemed like there was a slight one, but he didn’t think that was a true blockage. Honestly I will have to get more off him about that later… I was pretty drowsy at the time. They did the ovarian drilling and gave my womb a good clean out, but didn’t have to do anything else.

I was super excited about there being no endometriosis, it might sound awful to you guys, but I just felt like I had failed so many times at this making babies business over the past four years and I sort of felt like I had at least passed this test, but then I also feel a bit deflated because it means if the ovarian drilling doesn’t work then we are back to the drawing board.

Come on baby making 🙂


Surgery time

Disclaimer: there are over shares in the following

I know I haven’t been the most regular blogger of late. There has been a lot going on, Mr T has been in for two neck surgeries, we have had a lot on life wise and I have been preparing for the fact that I will be going in for laparoscopic surgery on the 12th of September.

Fast forward to now and I just got a call from the specialist… they want to do it this Saturday… eik! At first I went into what I like to call ‘deal with it’ mode; I spoke to my boss, we worked out the rosters and staff availability to make sure the swap was possible (especially because it also means that I will be off for 3 days next week). Luckily staff wise it turned out there are less people off next week than the one after. It also works out SO much better cycle wise, originally I was probably going to be going in for surgery whilst on my period and the doctor was like, ‘that’s fine, just wear a pad or something and I will remove it when I am ready for that area’ EWW!!! I think a lot of my anxiety was around that too, logically I know he is a doctor who has dealt with much icker stuff than that, but illogically it freaked me out a little hahaha.

So now that I have pretty much organised everything so it can be done this week I am sitting here going, “Shit! It is actually happening!” and am freaking out a bit. I have a fair amount of anxiety when it comes to hospitals and I have never been in for what I think of as proper surgery before… they removed my wisdom teeth, but that is very superficial surgery compared to what I will be having done this time.

What is he doing? Well I said to him if he was going in I wanted him to do everything he could at the one time because I didn’t want to deal with the anxiety and recovery time required from having to go under for another surgery. So we are doing four things this surgery:

  • Search for and clean out of any endometriosis
  • tubal flush (checking for any blockages)
  • ovarian drilling
  • and he’s going to karcher my womb … just kidding, but you get what I mean. I am referring to it as a ‘womb cleansing’

So hopefully all this will make a baby 🙂