The Two Week Wait

*Warning: It’s going to be sweary people.

The two week wait (or TWW) is a bitch! It seriously messes with your head. Have you ever noticed every single little involuntary muscle movement and slight cramping or discomfort your body has? Ever been completely aware of the sensitivity of your whole body particularly your sense of smell, stability of your stomache and the feel of your breasts? This is just the start of what we women go through during the TWW.

And who the hell made pregnancy symptoms so similar to period symptoms? It’s like they spent all this time designing and developing this amazing reproductive system and then at the 11th hour it was like…

Tech one: Everyone we are officially out of time! Amazing work everyone, just put on the finishing touches and we will send it to be integrated into the body matrix.
Tech two: But… I haven’t coded the period symptom and menstrual phases yet…
Tech one: Shit bro, seriously?! Goddammit Mike, you had ONE job! Okay just copy paste the pregnancy symptoms and ramp up the cramps and nausea during the actual menstrual phase.

I mean please…

Symptom: Tender or swollen breasts = period or pregnant
Symptom: Nausea with or without vomiting = period or pregnant
Symptom: Food aversions or cravings = period or pregnant
Symptom: Headaches = period or pregnant
Symptom: Fatigue = period or pregnant
Symptom: Slight bleeding or cramping = period or pregnant
Symptom: Mood swings = period or pregnant
Symptom: Constipation = period or pregnant

That’s just the main ones… not to mention… no symptoms = period or pregnant. So frustrating.

So here we are, women who so very much want children that we put ourselves through needles (would you believe that the thought of just drawing blood used to give me serious anxiety before all this started!!) and prodding and poking and invasive procedures and crazy ass hormones just for the slight hope of peeing on a stick and being rewarded with 2 lines instead of one.

The fact that we want a child that much alone puts you in a desperate and hopeful head space, then you add on top all the hormones and pressure of daily life and age and whatnot and it’s just a fucking boiling pot of emotions and anxiety and crap.

To quote J.K. Rowling…

…but we do… and so much more. I tried to explain to my husband the other day the thought process I went through in a couple of seconds to get from the topic we were talking about to the question I asked him a few seconds later which seemed completely unrelated. I explained how I got there and he was like, “How? It was like 3 seconds? How did you think all that in that time?!”

I was pretty confident initially that the ovulation induction round would not work. To me it was only a slight step above assisted natural conception (i.e. the timed sex we have been doing for 5.5 years among Clomid and IVF) and to me even though both FS’s have said there is no reason for us not to conceive naturally it’s just not happening. So I sort of felt that the new FS was mostly ticking boxes with this.

That doesn’t mean that I didn’t want it to work with every fibre of my being and soul. That with each passing day my hope didn’t grow until it was this amazing cushy marshmallow of hope and goodness. Then AF came and it was like a butane torch to my marshmallow. I watched it crisp, burn and melt away… didn’t even get a fucking smore out of it.

So now… on to IUI

Just keep swimming!

 

 

 

 

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All over red rover?

I am mostly over my flu/virus thing, but still tired a great amount of the time. I am also hungry a lot. I have been making an effort to cook proper dinners and have better foods at work which is always a good thing.

Over share time.

This morning I woke up to some bleeding. Not a lot. Pinkish. I haven’t had anymore since this morning. If it is AF then that bitch is early, like, a lot early… 5 days. I don’t think I have ever got AF early in my life. Now is not a good time to start.

The clinic happened to call this morning to see how I was dealing with the waiting period, it was the lovely UK nurse. I let her know about the bleeding and that the symptoms that I have been having seem to have dissipated. She said that it didn’t necessarily mean that the cycle had failed and this sort of thing did happen commonly. She then suggested I come in Saturday morning and have my beta test instead of waiting for Monday. I jumped at the chance because it means that I am not going to get the news in the middle of my work day on Monday which works SO much better for me.

Everything started so well, but I just have this feeling that this one hasn’t worked. I am waiting for this realisation to really hit home. I am guessing that will be about .25 seconds after I get home tonight.

I know that the cycle technically isn’t a complete write off yet, but sometimes you just know these things about your body right? Something doesn’t feel right about it. To be honest if it were 5 days from now I would assume I was getting AF.

Feeling a little sad panda, but positive Polly will find her way back I am sure.

I would love to hear about your experiences. Was your first transfer successful?