Monthly Archives: February 2015

Gettin’ Figgy with it – Try something new

Remember my New Year’s resolution to try new things? Well I did 🙂

Some of you might find this surprising, but I have never tried a fig in my life… ever. Some ladies I worked with went on and on about how amazing they are and how easy they are to grow. Since I am currently trying to plan my own garden for when the house is finished I have been looking at a lot of different fruit trees (I like fruit and plants that provide food as well as look good). So I decided to try one and see if it was worth considering planting a tree and waiting 3 years for the first harvest 🙂

Full fig

The Sacrifice

So I acquired said fig. It was a little firm and my expert Googling has said they need to be kinda squishy to be fully ripe so I waited a couple of days.

So it came time to eat my fig. I then realised I had no idea what to do with a fig, did I eat it skin and all like an apple? Do I cut it open and just eat the innards like a passionfruit? Am I supposed to cook anything first? Back to ole reliable Google and I learnt some very interesting things about figs, turns out you can eat them whole, just the pulp and they can be cooked in things. I also kept coming across YouTube videos about people getting sore mouth and tongues from eating figs. Then I watched this guys video and it was very educational:

Fig in natural yoghurt

Fig in natural yoghurt

My Mum thought it was odd that I bought 1 fig and asked me what it was for. I explained that I had never tried one and it turns out she hadn’t either, so I roped her into the experiment 🙂

Two's company after all

Two’s company after all

So guess what?…. Turns out I like figs. I am not in love with them the way I love chocolate or anything, but I like them well enough. We could totally be friends 🙂

Pretty figgin good

Pretty figgin good

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Stories from the shelves – Strange book titles

Sometimes you see a book title and you do a double take, no, you think to yourself, it couldn’t have said that. So you look again, you look at the spine, you take the book off the shelf and check the front cover and maybe even the title page to ensure that you are not hallucinating. Yup, that book exists and even better… it is available for loan at your place of work.

Yesterday I came across one of these gems. I was innocently tidying the shelves when it’s title jumped out and slapped me in the eyeballs.

Uhh... What?!

Uhh… What?!

I am not sure what disturbs me more; that my pee has a social life and apparently a lot of baggage it is bringing to our relationship or the fact that someone wrote an biography about its escapades.

What am I supposed to do when someone asks my pee for an autograph?

Umm just for the record (yes you can quote me), my pee does not get (or go) “everywhere”. Glad we cleared that up.

This discovery sent me down the rabbit hole of the web looking for the strangest and craziest book names. There are tonnes. Some are funny, some scary, some are disgusting. Here is a sample of what was found:

This was my personal favourite:

I don’t understand many things about the following book. But my question is… why is the hospital outside? And how does the dog know Jack and Jill?

I don’t understand many things about this book. But my biggest questions are… why is the hospital outside? And how does the dog know Jack and Jill?

“What shat that?: A pocketguide to Poop Identity”
“Am I ready for chest hair?” – I didn’t realise people got a choice in this
“Eating children: Population control and the food crisis”
“Eating people is wrong” – apparently Hannibal never got given this tome

I'm concerned that this book needed to be created

I’m concerned that this book needed to be created

“Everything I want to do is illegal”
“Zombie Racoons & Killer Bunnies” – They’re real ya’all… real as drop bears!
“The great Singapore penis panic: and the Future of American Mass Hysteria” – WTF? What does this title even mean? Is it about Singapore? Or America? Is this real life?
“Natural bust enlargement with total mind power: How to use the other 90% of your mind to increase the size of your breasts” – well that seems legit.

Then there is this jewel:

How and more importantly WHY is this a best selling book? I am not surprised it was recorded by the author... alone in a recording booth? Apparently he is into talking to himself so whatevs :)

How and more importantly WHY is this a best selling book? I am not surprised it was recorded by the author… alone in a recording booth? Apparently he is into talking to himself so whatevs 🙂

 

Have you got any interesting book titles? Which one of the above is your favourite?

 


Conferences, trains and vampirism

So I have just spent 2 days going to a conference in the city. The conference was great (I might talk about it a little more in another post), the train rides each morning were interesting.

The first day I watched amazed as a woman put on her liquid eyeliner on the train, other make up, sure no worries, but liquid eyeliner? I would blind myself in a heartbeat! Kudos to her though she put in on perfectly (from what I could glance) then promptly fell asleep on a canvas handbag. If I did that I would be blind and have black smudges up my cheek when I woke up. But no, she awoke with a little sleeping beauty-esque stretch and alighted from the train looking like a fierce goddess who really knows how to put on make up. Running though my head was the tune, “maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline” hahaha.

Then today I get on an “express” train to the city that decided to make its own agenda and stop at stations that weren’t advertised, for some reason it also decided to not display that it was stopping at the station I needed (luckily my panic was quickly abated when the guard made an announcement that did include my stop). Then I caught one of my cuticles on something invisible and ripped it, I would take a pic for you, but you would think I was flipping you off. So now I was on a confused, possible runaway train, in pain with my cuticle pumping out my life’s blood (exaggeration, but you know…) with no tissue in sight (I had to vampire it) wearing… a white blouse. I rarely wear white because you know, nephews and nieces… It gets ruined quickly so I had pretty much banished it from my wardrobe, but I like it and I loved this top so I thought it would be great for the conference. So there I am sucking on my finger which luckily wasn’t interpreted as a subtle flip off to other passengers trying to keep it from dripping on me so I don’t end up looking like Carrie at the prom. Then this lady sits next to me… No problem that’s what trains are for right? And I realise it’s raining… Not by looking out the window… Oh no. I chucked a Karen Smith… I knew it was already raining because said lady put her bag inbetween us… It was wet… So I went off to the conference with a wet arse and side plus a bleeding hand.

Wtf karma? What have I ever done to you?