Category Archives: A horse of a different colour

Where have I been?

Huge thank you to those of you who have contacted me to see if I am okay. This is why I love you guys!!! Thank you to everybody that has stuck in there with me! 🙂

I know I have been neglecting this space and not connecting with you all as much as I should have, or as much as I would like. I don’t really have much of an excuse, life has just been insane for many months now.

 

After we froze our embies we decided to have some time off from the fertility craziness. The docs didn’t really want to transfer the embies anyway as they felt I was too big.

I spent some time really soul searching and thinking about my life journey and how far I had come and what I wanted the next year (this year) and the rest of my life to hold. You know… nothing too heavy right?! Haha

I know I mentioned in a previous post that I had spent a lot of time researching weight loss surgery and what it could do for me with in regards to my insulin resistance, PCOS and snail thyroid. I also finally found out why sometimes my outer thighs goes numb, it is a condition where nerves get pinched randomly (can be cured or greatly improved through weightloss). So I bit the bullet, after 10 years and numerous diets and lifestyle changes I agreed to have sleeve surgery in April.

What?! I hear you say, but it is already May! Yep, that’s right, already done.

I didn’t tell many people. To be honest after so many years thinking about it and researching to come to the decision that I thought was best for me (even though I was petrified and didn’t really want to do it) I really didn’t want to hear any more opinions. So my parents knew (turns out they told a few people), obviously Hubby knew (turns out he told people too) and a couple of my friends knew.

Managed to not have a huge panic attack before surgery, mainly by trying not to think about it and just going through the motions of preparing. Afterwards I initially questioned all my so called wisdom and research because damn did I hurt. Being someone who is very independent though I was determined that even though I had just had major surgery a couple of hours before I was going to the toilet. So I did.

I pretty much had a dream recovery, slight allergic reaction to the dressings after a few days and slight infection on the surface of one of the wounds. Food wise I have had no issues. Was having issues getting enough protein, but I am getting much better at that now that I have added soft foods back in. Eventually I should be able to have all the foods I have before.

I hear people label this “the easy way”, boy is that far from the truth. For me this was (and continues to be) harder than quitting smoking. You still have to do all the work in regards to healthy food and exercise. It is just a tool, a very effective tool, but it is on me to make it work.

I have been doing well so far. Since 19 March (I am including pre op diet where I lost 6.8kgs) I have lost 13.9kgs. I am not ashamed to say that I am SUPER proud of myself for that 🙂

I know that for doctors the actual weight is what they focus on, but for me I am enjoying the non-scale victories just as much. The issue with the thigh numbness is already noticeably better which is amazing as I would get this multiple times a day previously – In the last 5 days I think I have had it once!!! I also fit into 2 blouses that I LOVED that no longer fit me. In fact they fit me better now than when I bought them! I am also much more comfortable in my car, not that I was uncomfortable before, but it just fits me better now.

It is a challenge everyday. You have to be super prepared food wise so you are not caught out. My father was suddenly taken to hospital last Friday (so a week today) and I was initially caught out a lot… loving coffee and quiches and veggie fritattas from a number of cafes at the moment for dinner as I am going straight from work to the hospital at the moment. Funny part is I can only eat about half, which then means either I get to make sure Mum has a decent meal or I get lunch the next day. Today I am stoked with my leftover pumpkin, spinach and ricotta quiche – you guys SOOO GOOD!

I find I am eating a lot more vegetarian meals. Not on purpose, just because I gravitate towards these meals as I enjoy them. I am glad though as I had been trying to move towards a more plant based diet prior to the surgery because it is supposed to be beneficial for the conditions I have. It does mean that sometimes I am not hitting the protein level I need to be so I have to be careful.

So now that I have bowled you all over with my crazy last few months tell me stories! I have missed you all 🙂

 

 

 

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Rescue Kittens

Our lives have been super busy and irrevocably changed recently.

At the beginning of June Hubby and I met beautiful twin girls who were up for adoption. A couple of weeks later we learned that they still had not found a home because separating them would be too traumatizing and people didn’t seem keen to adopt both of them.

So we met with them again and we just knew that our big home was exactly what they needed. So I would like to introduce you to the newest members of our family Persephone (Seph) and Athena (Thea).

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When they first came home

For my Husband it was love at first sight. I loved them, but 4 furbabies is a huge commitment and I just wanted to make sure that we were making the right decision for the girls. Yes we had the space and money, but time and patience, did we have enough? I realised though that we are full of love and that at 3 months old the girls had known nothing more than the insides of boxes being poked at by people who weren’t going to take them home and make them part of their family. We could do that for them… and we have.

It took a few days for them to spend time out from under the couch. Though they loved having the top of this gym to escape to as the puppies came to terms with their new sisters.

The girls have basically doubled in size in just a month. They now allow us to actually pick them up and hold them and are HUGE lovers of pats. They didn’t purr when we first brought them home, but now we have a regular purr soundtrack in our household.

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Miss Thea enjoys sitting with Mum on the couch now

It took them I think 2 weeks to realise that there was an upstairs. They now LOVE going up there and tearing around the place… in the middle of the night. They were pretty keen on getting into our bedroom at night which wasn’t the worst thing… until Seph started climbing the curtains!!! Bad kitty.

They are both very adventurous now. Very hard to tell apart as they are almost identical even down to their white markings. Thea is slightly smaller with a thinner tail, but they have completely different personalities. Thea will run all around your feet wanting pats and flop and present her belly the second you look at her like you might pat her. Seph is big on the rubbing against legs, bags, corners, arms etc. to facilitate the patting she wants which is all the time hahaha. Seph is also the one who has figured out she can jump onto the kitchen counter and drink the remnants of my cup of tea, then there was the time she tried to jump into the bloody oven when I opened it. Naturally her craziness has made her Dad’s favourite hahaha.

Basically Seph goes where she pleases and now believes that the new dog bed we bought before we adopted the girls belongs to her. She stretches out as far as she can to show there is no room for anyone else and doesn’t even like her sister joining her for a nap. To be fair I did situate it where it would get the best sun 🙂

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Here’s our boy Sam reclaiming the bed for a short time this weekend to sit next to me while I had my morning coffee 🙂 

The dogs are mostly okay with the girls now. Thea LOVES Sam and every morning she runs up to him and makes him pat her with his snout by rubbing herself under his chin. She will often then roll onto her back and present her belly to him. One day she will figure out that he cannot pat her hahaha. She also jumps around and over him inviting him to play… he just looks at me like “WTF Mum!” like any older brother with a toddler sister in play mode hahaha.

So our world has been very full of cleaning, playing, retraining, bringing out of the closet (figuratively and literally), giggling at antics and all sorts of other things lately.

I hope you enjoy the pictures of the newest additions to our family 🙂


Caring what people think

I want to talk about what people think of me.

Let’s be honest we all like to think that we don’t care about what others think of us, some of us even believe it when we say it, but we all have someone whose opinion matters to us.

For many years I suffered greatly by obsessing over what people thought of me. I always tried to be the good person who was not controversial and was a good friend no matter what that person did I stood by them (to a point obviously, I mean I completely dropped a friend who slept with my boyfriend – years later I found out this never happened though, she was just jealous of our relationship). Now I am older and (hopefully) wiser I realise that being this way meant that I was in some toxic relationships, with men for sure and even with friends. I was friends with someone for over a decade and the first time I did something she didn’t like (which by the way was spending too much time with my new boyfriend and asking her if she was sure about the guy she was about to marry after I caught her crying every night for a week) she completely removed herself from my life overnight and kicked me out of her house (she had asked me to move in to help her pay the mortgage) and lied to all of our friends saying that I had walked out and left her with no money. WTF? I learned a lot from that experience and I am pleased to say that I have not had a toxic friendship since.

After the incident above I did a lot of soul searching because I didn’t really understand what had happened and then it occurred to me that no matter how much she upset me and hurt me and did things that were horrible I never spoke up about it. I kept my hurt feelings to myself and felt that I must have deserved it. When I fell into serious depression following the sudden death of my grandfather and leaving an emotionally abusive relationship she withdrew from me and would stop inviting me out places. When I organised a NYE party she organised something else and convinced everyone to go (I even found out much later she told some of them that I had cancelled the party and was going to be there), but I told myself that she was right and I wasn’t good company and it wasn’t her job to babysit me while I felt sorry for myself. Dammit that is the DEFINITION of a best friend; they should be there for the smiles and the shit! I was reasonably good friends with her boyfriend and after they broke up he and I became very close friends (and still are to this day actually). Even though he lived far away he would visit me most weekends and spend time with me, we went out a lot and he helped me get out from under my depression cloud. He is a very good person and one of my best friends.

Through this friendship (which was never anything more than that even though she wanted to pretend it was, I have a lot of love for him, but there were never “romantic” feelings attached) I learnt a lot about myself. I learnt that I was a pleaser; I would do my upmost to ensure someone was happy even to the detriment of myself. This had a great impact on my depression because obviously if I was spending all my time pleasing others there was very little time left to make me happy. His friendship has taught me that the perfect friend isn’t one who pleases you all the time, it is one who is brutally honest with you, it is someone who will be there through the shit and the smiles and it is someone who is proud to be your friend.

I am a very different person to who I was back then, generally speaking I am a happy, positive person. I am still a bit of a people pleaser (mostly at work, but I think that is expected haha), but I do a lot more for my own joy now than I used to. The old me pushed herself and became bulimic trying to fit in and fight my way to the top and get more pay, the new me realised that whilst I adore music and writing, I am not the kind of person that would survive well in that kind of industry. I also realised that I am passionate about literacy, research and books and I decided that I wanted to spend my life doing those things and am now a Librarian.

I have spent a lot of time over the past few years telling myself that others opinions do not matter and for the most part they don’t. This does not mean I do not have a moral compass, it just means that if I want to do something like jump on the back of my Hubby’s Harley, I do it because I want to and enjoy myself and do my best not to worry that someone might think there should be a wide load sticker across my ass. I have also found the true audience whose opinions matter and I would do pretty much anything to keep looking fabulous in their eyes… my nieces and nephews.

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If someone in the street calls me a fat ass I might get very down and possibly resolve not to eat anything but carrots for a week, then I get home to find my nieces are visiting. They run full pelt at me screaming my name knowing I will catch them and hug them and kiss them. Then they invite me to a tea party with cupcakes they made with Nan that day (and invisible tea) and I forget about the ignoramus on the street and I forget about the carrot promise because none of that matters. All that matters is eating a cupcake with two beautiful little girls who are looking at me like I am a living Goddess or an Amazonian heroine and certainly the best thing since sliced bread. So I take my cake and eat it too 🙂

Mmm cupcakes!

Mmm cupcakes!


Robin Williams – the Master of Smiles

I am speechless, stunned and deeply saddened.

Today, Earth is a little less bright.

 

I have adored the mastery that is Robin Williams body of work since I was a small child. He was a precious light of acting and comedic brilliance in a world that is often shadowed in trouble. I am not ashamed to say I have suffered from depression and being able to watch Robin’s work often brought a smile to my face.

He was a great gift to this world, much like the real Patch Adams, Robin’s gift to the world was laughter and joy. In my mind his amazing talent has no equal, he was the master. To paraphrase Shakespeare – Robin William’s was the stage [the lights, the whole theatre really] and all of us merely players.

Image source: http://www.fanpop.com

 

He may have left us too soon, but his legend will live on.

What was your favourite piece of Robin’s work?


Locals cheer attacks on Gaza strip

This is not the kind of post I would normally do, but then I have come to realise that there is not a lot about me that is normal so perhaps this post is exactly like me. 

Today I desperately felt the need to restore my faith in humanity as this morning it hit an all time low. Last night I turned off the news when I saw the report on the bombings, not only did I hate to see humans once again destroying each other, but I didn’t want my young nephews to see it – I do everything I can to protect my nephews and nieces from experiencing violence in the vain hope that it makes some difference so they will do better in their generation than any of the ones before them. Then today I read this article that reports locals setting up a “cinema” of sorts on a nearby hill and eating popcorn and cheering when the bombs landed, even taking pictures of each other grinning giving a thumbs up as bombs went off in the distance.

Please note that I am not trying to make any statement about the bombings themselves or the situation in this part of the world, that is not at all my aim in this post.

My aim is to express my complete and absolute disgust that anyone would sit there, eat popcorn and get their jollies by watching people be murdered, what the f#@k is wrong with you people? I’m sure there is a word or condition to describe you accurately, but I can’t currently think of anything better than “sick” and I don’t truly believe they are worth more than a four letter word so I am not going to bother spending time trying to think of anything better. 

So today I have spent some of my lunch time at work trying to re-inflate my faith in humanity, I have done this in a couple of different ways; by re-reading the post I did the other day on Sir Nicholas Winton who is a complete hero. Special thank you to the publishing company for sending me this kind message after reading the piece I wrote: 

Seriously it seems that everyone who has anything to do with this man is completely lovely! Could being a truly good person be contagious I wonder?

Seriously it seems that everyone who has anything to do with this man is completely lovely! Could being a truly good person be contagious I wonder?

Then I spent some time on good ole YouTube looking for further proof that there are still good humans out there. 

This helped:

A picture is worth a thousand words

This helped A LOT!

And this was a nice little cherry on top 🙂

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Sir Nicholas Winton – the true Saint Nick!

Part of the reason I started this blog was to share; share things I knew, things I tried, things I have learned and things I think and feel. Nice and broad isn’t it, pretty much gives me a license to write whatever… oooh the glee.

When I was in High School we learnt about the Holocaust… a LOT, please don’t get me wrong I think that the Holocaust was one of the most disgusting and depraved things humans have ever done to other humans and I do believe it is important that youth are taught about it. If they do not learn of our horrific failures in our past, how can they learn from our mistakes to hopefully prevent this ever happening again? What I didn’t value about the curriculum was the fact that we learnt about it for over a semester for 3 years running and for the most part we were shown horrific videos and images that are scarred into me until this day. I am not ashamed to say that I cried during some of these videos, they were that awful. I think it is important that we were shown these images so that we have no doubt of the terror of that time, but we didn’t need to see it multiple times. I would have liked to learn a lot more about some of the people that did whatever they could to help in a time where so many people needed it.

One of these people is Sir Nicholas Winton, if you have never heard of him it is time you did. Nicholas was 29 when he organised the rescue of 669 Czech children from Nazi-occupied Czechoslovakia during the 9 months before war broke out in 1939. Those children have grown up and had children of their own and now have grandchildren and great grandchildren, approximately 6000 people in the world today owe their lives to this man, giving the gift of so many lives perhaps he is the real Saint Nick.

 

Nicholas was living in Britain at the time and when a friend told him of the problems there he travelled to Prague for a two week holiday. He set up a small office there to meet with people that wanted to get their children to safety. Nicholas wrote for help to many countries, but only Great Britain responded offering assistance, even with their promise of aid the action was painstakingly slow and Winton and his colleagues were running out of time. To save the children they forged documents such as visas, this increased the risk they were taking, but at that point they felt there was no other choice.

8 trains full of children successfully made it to Great Britain where families were waiting to care for them. A ninth train with 250 children on it did not make it out of Prague, the children were on the train, but war was declared and transportation was suspended.

Winton is very humble and thus for many years not many people knew what this amazing man had accomplished against all odds. One day Winton’s wife found a scrapbook in their attic, it had the name of every child he had rescued, who their parents are and the families they had been placed with. 80 of these children were found to still be living in Britain, they were brought together in 1988 during an episode of the BBC program That’s Life. Winton had no idea that the audience was full of the people he had saved and describes it as one of the most emotional experiences of his life.

Sir Nicholas Winton has recently celebrated his 105th birthday! Congratulations Saint Nick, I hope you have many years of joy ahead of you.

His daughter Barbara Winton has written Nicholas’ story in a book called “If it’s Not Impossible… The life of Sir Nicholas Winton”, I personally cannot wait to get my hands on it and I urge you all to check it out too.

Biography


The Squirrel Effect

Remember how a few posts back I talked about my New Year’s Resolutions and one of them was about accepting home truths? Well here is another for the pile 🙂

It is what I call ‘The Squirrel Effect’. I am a pretty creative person, I love creating things, I love trying new things so am always starting new projects and buying ingredients to try new recipes. The problem I have come to realise is that sometimes I lose interest… or my interest shifts to something new… AKA SQUIRREL! [if you don’t get the reference go and watch Disney’s Up!]

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I decided to write this post after reading “Good boss, Bad boss” on LauGraEva’s blog, I remember that I first discovered this about myself when I was my own boss working at home. I was younger and had the misconception that I would have so much more time because I was working from home; I was wowed by the fact that in the middle of winter I could wear my flannel PJs and UG Boots to the office 🙂 Needless to say I very quickly realised that watching Firefly whilst answering work emails was not a good plan when I replied to a client informing them that everything was “Shiny”.

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The same thing happened when I was unemployed for two months last year, I thought I would have so much time and I would be able to keep up on everything in the house and get a bunch of projects done that I had been unable to start… pfft… didn’t happen. I did get some vegies planted and caught up on washing, I also cleared out the closest and sent a bunch of stuff off to charity, but there was so much I didn’t get close to touching which was seriously disappointing! I even used to make deals with myself like: ‘okay, we are putting a wash on now, you can watch one episode of Big Bang Theory and then you have to go and put it out’, but then invariably I would try and find things to do inside like the project I started creating Christmas decorations by up-cycling books… that was way fun… and messy and kind of took over my coffee table for a week before Hubby got the royal poos 🙂

At the moment I have 2 major projects that I need to get too, one is that I found a vintage bird cage by the side of the road and I have the idea of somehow turning it into a succulent planter for my mates for their combined 30th bday – they both like up-cycle/vintage so I think they will love it. Then Hubby had to go into hospital etc. and long story short their birthday has come and gone and I haven’t finished it 😦

it's because of the Squirrels...

it’s because of the Squirrels…

I also have a project I desperately have to start and finish before October for my Best-Friend’s wedding and…. I was about to tell you all about it, but then I have just realised that I think she reads my blog from time to time and so I cannot tell you about it, but it is pretty awesome. I have never done anything like it before and actually have no idea whether I am able to do it, in theory [AKA according to my hella awesome research] it will work, but in practice… who knows.

My point is that these two projects in particular I really need to get done and I can’t afford to

SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!